I called an old friend a couple of weeks ago to ask how he was doing. He responded, "it's been crazy-busy."
Over the years, I've found out that this same sentiment seems to be the typical response many of us give to the question, "How are you?"
Ask anyone how things are going and the reply tends to range from busy to very busy with everything in-between. Other times, we go on about how much we run helter-skelter from one thing to another on a daily basis.
Everyone seems to be busy these days. Or maybe some of us are just pretending to be busy.
Whatever is driving our need to be busy or to appear busy, it seems to me that the root of this is our need to feel important; to be worthy. Important people are always busy doing something, right? They're not idle.
This is a lie many have bought into.
It seems to me that we numb our feelings of unworthiness with work and staying busy. We think that if we stay busy enough, the real truth of our lives won't catch up with us.
Some have used other equally dangerous means for numbing - illegal drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, food, sex, sports, online gaming, social media, and a few other good things that we can use in negative ways. We can use these to numb the pains that come from our feelings of inadequacy.
While many of the things we use to numb ourselves may not be bad in themselves, the reason we use them is the real difference. In her book, The Life Organizer, Jennifer Louden says we use these things as "shadow comforts." We think they're providing us with momentary comfort, but in reality, they're just casting their long shadows over our miserable lives.
Louden writes: "You can eat a piece of chocolate as a holy wafer of sweetness - a real comfort, or you can cram an entire chocolate bar into your mouth without even tasting it in a frantic attempt to soothe yourself - a shadow comfort."
So, it's not really what you do. It's your reason for doing it.
It's therefore important for us to start thinking about the motivation behind the choices we make. This requires a great deal of reflection and self-examination. Unfortunately, these are two things many of us don't do very well, so it takes being intentional to pull them off.
Here are three ways to approach this:
Carve out regular time to think and reflect. Ask yourself what you're using for numbing and why. Are you working hard to avoid a difficult conversation with people closest to you? Are you using fast food to get shadow comfort as an escape from your feelings of inadequacy? Only you can answer that for yourself. And you should be brutally honest with yourself.
Consider what you can use to replace your current sources of shadow comfort. Could it be a healthy snack instead of comfort food? Could you take a walk, and get some fresh air instead of indulging in video games for hours on end?
Find a trusted accountability partner. Share your struggles with someone and tell them what you've decided to do. Ask them to hold you accountable in your quest to replace current sources of shadow comfort.
What's really important is for you to consider if your current behavioral choices are truly nourishing your spirit or if they are temporary reprieves providing shadow comfort, which ultimately leaves you feeling empty.
You owe it to yourself to find out and pursue living a life that is truly worthy of your standing and stature.
And you truly are worthy.