I have to confess that I'm a recovering perfectionist. For as long as I could remember, I've always wanted things to be done so well that there are no ways to improve them.
For a while when my kids were young, if they came home from school with a 98% grade in a class, my first thought was always, "What happened to the other 2%? 100% is the goal; why are we leaving the other 2% on the table?"
My mantra was always "anything worth doing at all is worth doing well." I abhorred mediocrity. As a result, I was always reluctant to take on anything that I didn't think I could do exceptionally well.
The problem with this attitude is that you never try to do many things.
When you think about it, you’d realize that none of us arrived on this planet knowing how to do anything. Each of us was a blank slate as babies. We learned as we grew and we discovered our affinity for some things over others. We found out that doing some things came naturally for us while others did not.
We also discovered what we're good at by taking that first step to try them out, at a time we didn't know what we were doing. Isn't it then ironic that after we discovered we're good at some things by first trying them out, we stopped trying other things out simply because we've not done them before, ergo we think we're not good at them?
That seems illogical but that's what many of us tend to do. And some of us justify our reluctance by invoking our hatred for mediocrity. I know this because I was one of those people.
To be clear, not only did I abhor mediocrity, I still do. I still despise delivering mediocre results. But I've since discovered that striving for excellence in all you do is not the same as wanting everything to be perfect.
Author, speaker, and shame researcher Brené Brown wrote that perfectionism is "the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame." In her research, Brown also discovered that "perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval."
The secret drive of perfectionism is to please others. It can be addictive and self-destructive. It sets us up to feel shame, judgment, and blame. Brown also noted that the antidote to perfectionism is in learning to appreciate the beauty in cracks. Understanding that no one is perfect and that we all have flaws and cracks in our lives is a necessary first step in moving away from the allure of perfectionism.
A few years ago, I learned about the ancient Japanese art of embracing imperfection called Kintsugi. It involves repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer that has been dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The practice seeks to highlight the imperfections caused by the cracks, rather than hide them.
Kintsugi is used not only to teach calm when a cherished piece of pottery breaks, but it is also a reminder of the beauty of human fragility as well. It is used as a prompt to stay optimistic when things fall apart. It is a signal to celebrate the flaws and missteps of life because life isn't perfect. It will never be.
So, rather than allowing our flaws and missteps to drain our joy, we can accept it, knowing that the only thing perfect about us is our imperfection.
Yes, you are perfectly imperfect.
Embrace it with joy.