I’m certain that you’ve heard of the golden rule. You have, haven’t you? Yes, I’m sure you have.
Do to others what you would have them do to you.
What may be less known is that the golden rule was supposed to be an upgrade of another rule called the Silver Rule. Some refer to it as the Silver Rule of Confucianism, most likely to specify its source.
Confucius was a Chinese philosopher and politician who lived around 500 BC. His silver rule - “Don’t do to others, what you don’t want done to you” - was meant to prevent people from doing bad things to others. In the March 14, 2022 edition of this newsletter, I wrote that the silver rule is a passive and lazy rule because it doesn’t require action.
About 500 years after Confucius, Jesus Christ appeared on the scene and gave us the golden rule which requires action and proactive behavior. It prompts you to act positively and demands that you’re socially responsible. It encourages you to do for people, the same good and positive things you would like to receive from others.
This is a good thing, right?
Yes, it is, but it still poses an important dilemma.
How do you know if others would want or appreciate the good and positive things you want for yourself? You may be wondering why someone would not want something good, but good to whom? Whose definition of good should we go with?
Yours or theirs?
What is desirable to you may not be something another person wants. It reminds me of an experience I had almost 20 years ago after I was promoted to lead a team of engineers as a project manager. I thought I was doing something good for the lead engineer on one of my projects when I began to share with him what he needed for him to get a similar promotion.
His response surprised me.
He told me he didn’t want a position that would require him to lead teams. He said he was content with where he was. I was trying to get him something that I thought was good, but he didn’t see it the same way.
This is where I think the Platinum Rule enhances the golden rule.
In their book appropriately titled, The Platinum Rule, Michael O'Connor and Tony Alessandra make a strong case for us to “Do unto others as they would like done unto them.” This is about doing for others what they want done for them and not what I think they would want done for them. It’s about helping them to become who they want to be and not about helping them to become who I want them to be.
So, what does this mean for us?
It means we don’t make assumptions that what’s good for us is good for others. It means asking them what good we can do for them and then helping them to accomplish it, if we have the means to do so. In doing so, we become true partners in their progress.
In whose progress will you be a partner this week?