Have you ever said you'd do something and then completely not do it? Of course you have! I think this is true for most of us.
Other times, it's not what we promise to do but who we say we are. Still, our behaviors tend to belie our confession.
You promise to do something and you drop the ball. Repeatedly.
You claim to have your team member's back, and you throw them under the bus. Constantly.
You confess your love for a family member, yet you talk to them as if they're less than a person to you. Repeatedly.
When this happens, some of us feel the hypocrisy and resolve to do better next time. Still, we don't. We fall into the trap of always saying and not doing. We don't back up our words with the appropriate action.
And it's not that we don't mean what we say. We do mean them and we want to follow through. But when the next opportunity comes, we fall back into the usual pattern of failing to deliver.
Why is that?
An experience I had this past weekend took me down the path of pondering over this, and it gave me another insight into one of the reasons why many of us languish in our sorry states even when we know that a change is desperately needed.
Most of our daily actions are driven by prejudices and biases that we're largely unconscious of. These unconscious biases determine how we deal with people and situations who are the subjects of the biases.
Carl Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." Most of us don't realize how many of the biases and prejudices we're unaware of drive our actions. Some of us chalk it up to our personality. We think it's etched in stone; that it cannot be changed.
Other times, people resist the idea that they have prejudices and biases because of labels that come with it. When the impression is that "bad people" are the ones who are biased, people tend to get defensive. But when you realize that having biases and prejudices are not the exclusive preserve of awful people; that it's a normal part of the human experience, you're better able to look inwards to consider where you prejudices lie.
Once you do this, all you need are moments of introspection to ponder over how biases are leading to your current behaviors and results. Developing this into a daily habit can help you uncover where your unconscious may be driving your words and actions.
It can help you discover why you say one thing and do another. Repeatedly.
So, do you know what unconscious biases you have?
I challenge you to think about situations and people groups that tend to evoke negative emotions in you, no matter how small. Then consider if the stereotypical views you hold about those situations and peoples can hold water. I mean, seriously consider it for far more than a fleeting moment.
You have nothing to lose, but a lot to gain.