Time to Let Go

Apart from the extremely cold temperatures, one sign of winter here in North America is the huge number of leafless trees you see. Yes, there are some evergreens but the majority of trees begin to lose their leaves in the Fall. By the time the frigid temperatures of winter arrive, all of the leaves are gone.

But I know of one tree that’s defying this pattern.

Over the last few years, I’ve started noticing something different about the lone tree in my front yard. It’s holding on to its leaves longer. Yes, the leaves are withered and completely dried up. But they continue to hang on for dear life - even though they are completely lifeless.

The picture you see here shows the tree as it looks at the time this newsletter is going out. We’re smack dab in the middle of February, and it’s still holding on to its leaves.

We’ve already gone through a period of extremely cold negative temperatures - and that’s in degrees Fahrenheit, not Celsius! That means it was insanely cold. Yet the leaves are still hanging on.

I planted the tree more than 10 years ago, so I know it wasn’t always like this.

When it was young, it behaved like the other trees. Its leaves would change color in the Fall and they all fall off before winter officially sets in. But as it gets older, it’s been holding on to those leaves for longer periods. Last year, the leaves didn’t fall off until early Spring when new leaves started to bud.

The tree kept holding on to something that’s dead; to something that’s completely useless. And I’ve noticed something similar with us humans.

Some of us sometimes hold on too long to something that’s dead: something we should have given up on.

Broken electronics. Clothes that don’t fit. Useless gifts we feel obligated to keep. Antiquated ideas. Fruitless vocations.

As bad as these are, there are others things more dangerous to our existence that we hold on to.

Negative thoughts. Irrational beliefs. Grudges. Anger. Unforgiveness. These can do a serious number on the human psyche and the results aren’t pretty.

Persistent negative thoughts result in negative emotions, leading to anxiety and depression. Some irrational beliefs can lower your self confidence and erode self-esteem. Such erosions reduces self worth and kill the motivation to pursue and accomplish goals.

Holding on to grudges and anger for too long will eventually result in physical ailments such as high blood pressure and a weakened immune system. Chronic stress could be the result of harboring unforgiveness.

None of these are worth the trouble.

Check out the list again: Negative thoughts. Irrational beliefs. Grudges. Anger. Unforgiveness, just to name a few. Which of these are you holding on to for too long?

I think it’s time to let them go.

When Talks Aren't Walked

Have you ever said you'd do something and then completely not do it? Of course you have! I think this is true for most of us.

Other times, it's not what we promise to do but who we say we are. Still, our behaviors tend to belie our confession.

You promise to do something and you drop the ball. Repeatedly.

You claim to have your team member's back, and you throw them under the bus. Constantly.

You confess your love for a family member, yet you talk to them as if they're less than a person to you. Repeatedly.

When this happens, some of us feel the hypocrisy and resolve to do better next time. Still, we don't. We fall into the trap of always saying and not doing. We don't back up our words with the appropriate action.

And it's not that we don't mean what we say. We do mean them and we want to follow through. But when the next opportunity comes, we fall back into the usual pattern of failing to deliver.

Why is that?

An experience I had this past weekend took me down the path of pondering over this, and it gave me another insight into one of the reasons why many of us languish in our sorry states even when we know that a change is desperately needed.

Most of our daily actions are driven by prejudices and biases that we're largely unconscious of. These unconscious biases determine how we deal with people and situations who are the subjects of the biases.

Carl Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." Most of us don't realize how many of the biases and prejudices we're unaware of drive our actions. Some of us chalk it up to our personality. We think it's etched in stone; that it cannot be changed.

Other times, people resist the idea that they have prejudices and biases because of labels that come with it. When the impression is that "bad people" are the ones who are biased, people tend to get defensive. But when you realize that having biases and prejudices are not the exclusive preserve of awful people; that it's a normal part of the human experience, you're better able to look inwards to consider where you prejudices lie.

Once you do this, all you need are moments of introspection to ponder over how biases are leading to your current behaviors and results. Developing this into a daily habit can help you uncover where your unconscious may be driving your words and actions.

It can help you discover why you say one thing and do another. Repeatedly.

So, do you know what unconscious biases you have?

I challenge you to think about situations and people groups that tend to evoke negative emotions in you, no matter how small. Then consider if the stereotypical views you hold about those situations and peoples can hold water. I mean, seriously consider it for far more than a fleeting moment.

You have nothing to lose, but a lot to gain.