I was around 12 years old when I first recorded myself on cassette tapes while reading a few of my class notes for later playback. You’re probably wondering what possessed me to do that.
It was due to a simple calculation that my naïve, preteen mind thought made good sense.
Since one could easily recall the lyrics of, and sing along to a favorite music after listening to it several times, I thought that should be applicable to anything. So, I recorded myself reading the school notes I had taken in a few of the classes that I didn’t particularly like (such as History and Government). I was hoping that listening to the playback over and over would help me recall them easily. It worked with music, so it should work with the dry, joyless reading of high school world history class notes, right?
As you may have imagined, it didn’t work out as planned.
First of all, I found out that my recordings were not as pleasant to the ears as enjoyable music. Listening to the recordings lulled me to sleep instead. So, there was no motivation to continue listening to them after that first time. There was also a second discovery that I hadn’t counted on.
I didn’t like the sound of my own voice.
It just did not sound like me. Even as an adult, this aversion to hearing my own recorded voice continued for a while. Eventually, I got used to it after being recorded many times over the years as I spoke at conferences and webinars. I became so familiar with it that I decided to handle the main narration for the audio version of Nothing Higher myself.
I have since learned that most people are like this. Many of just don’t like the sound of our own recorded voices. We don’t seem to like how our voices come across.
What I found most interesting about this is that other people would tell you that your recorded voice sounds exactly the same way you come across in real life. I have found myself vehemently denying this in the past, despite the overwhelming evidence!
As it is with our voice, so it is with our behaviors. I’ve seen people recoil in horror when shown a video of them which may have been taken without their awareness. Some are surprised at their posture or how they walk. Others seem surprised that their resting face is a frowny one. Then, there are those who are surprised at their own behaviors.
Imagine what it would look like if you can see a video of yourself as you go about your usual daily activities at the same moment you’re going through those actions. Do you think you’d like what you see?
Now consider the fact that this is what others see of you as you interact with them. So, I ask: What is it like to be on the other side of you? Do you know?
Have you considered what it is like to be on the other side of you at work and at home? I’m not asking about what you want people to think or the impressions you’ve tried to create about yourself. I’m asking about how people experience you in real time.
Many of us think we can easily answer this question correctly but the reality is completely different. We all think we are self-aware and we tend to think others aren’t. There seems to be a great mismatch between what many of us believe it’s like to be on the other side of us and what it’s actually like.
What can we do to close this gap?
Ryan Leak, in his book, Leveling Up, recommends asking yourself, reflecting on, and answering variations of this question. Here are a few from his list:
What is it like to be on the other side of my Facebook comments?
What is it like to be on the other side of my parenting?
What is it like to be on the other side of my marriage?
What is it like to be on the other side of my emails?
What is it like to be on a team with me?
What is it like to be related to me?
What is it like to be my neighbor?
What is it like to work with me?
What is it like to live with me?
What is it like to be my friend?
As you can imagine, this is not an exhaustive list, so you can add a few more that are applicable to you. If you’re up to it, you can even ask the people that each of these question points to.
As you reflect on and answer these questions, here’s a warning: Don’t fall into the trap that being on the other side of you is as awesome as you think.
Err on the side of caution and allow room for improvement. I have a sneaky suspicion that no one is as good as we think we are. No matter how awesome you may think you are, there’s always room for improvement.
Always.