On the Other Side of You

I was around 12 years old when I first recorded myself on cassette tapes while reading a few of my class notes for later playback. You’re probably wondering what possessed me to do that.

It was due to a simple calculation that my naïve, preteen mind thought made good sense.

Since one could easily recall the lyrics of, and sing along to a favorite music after listening to it several times, I thought that should be applicable to anything. So, I recorded myself reading the school notes I had taken in a few of the classes that I didn’t particularly like (such as History and Government). I was hoping that listening to the playback over and over would help me recall them easily. It worked with music, so it should work with the dry, joyless reading of high school world history class notes, right?

As you may have imagined, it didn’t work out as planned.

First of all, I found out that my recordings were not as pleasant to the ears as enjoyable music. Listening to the recordings lulled me to sleep instead. So, there was no motivation to continue listening to them after that first time. There was also a second discovery that I hadn’t counted on.

I didn’t like the sound of my own voice.

It just did not sound like me. Even as an adult, this aversion to hearing my own recorded voice continued for a while. Eventually, I got used to it after being recorded many times over the years as I spoke at conferences and webinars. I became so familiar with it that I decided to handle the main narration for the audio version of Nothing Higher myself.

I have since learned that most people are like this. Many of just don’t like the sound of our own recorded voices. We don’t seem to like how our voices come across.

What I found most interesting about this is that other people would tell you that your recorded voice sounds exactly the same way you come across in real life. I have found myself vehemently denying this in the past, despite the overwhelming evidence!

As it is with our voice, so it is with our behaviors. I’ve seen people recoil in horror when shown a video of them which may have been taken without their awareness. Some are surprised at their posture or how they walk. Others seem surprised that their resting face is a frowny one. Then, there are those who are surprised at their own behaviors.

Imagine what it would look like if you can see a video of yourself as you go about your usual daily activities at the same moment you’re going through those actions. Do you think you’d like what you see?

Now consider the fact that this is what others see of you as you interact with them. So, I ask: What is it like to be on the other side of you? Do you know?

Have you considered what it is like to be on the other side of you at work and at home? I’m not asking about what you want people to think or the impressions you’ve tried to create about yourself. I’m asking about how people experience you in real time.

Many of us think we can easily answer this question correctly but the reality is completely different. We all think we are self-aware and we tend to think others aren’t. There seems to be a great mismatch between what many of us believe it’s like to be on the other side of us and what it’s actually like.

What can we do to close this gap?

Ryan Leak, in his book, Leveling Up, recommends asking yourself, reflecting on, and answering variations of this question. Here are a few from his list:

What is it like to be on the other side of my Facebook comments?

What is it like to be on the other side of my parenting?

What is it like to be on the other side of my marriage?

What is it like to be on the other side of my emails?

What is it like to be on a team with me?

What is it like to be related to me?

What is it like to be my neighbor?

What is it like to work with me?

What is it like to live with me?

What is it like to be my friend?

As you can imagine, this is not an exhaustive list, so you can add a few more that are applicable to you. If you’re up to it, you can even ask the people that each of these question points to.

As you reflect on and answer these questions, here’s a warning: Don’t fall into the trap that being on the other side of you is as awesome as you think.

Err on the side of caution and allow room for improvement. I have a sneaky suspicion that no one is as good as we think we are. No matter how awesome you may think you are, there’s always room for improvement.

Always.

This RTO Saga

A comment someone left on one of my LinkedIn posts earlier this month ago caused me to reach out with a private message to them. That in turn led to an interesting hour-long Zoom call with the person a couple of days later.

They told me that they had been on a new job for about three months at a Fortune 500 company. As a senior project manager, this person loves the work and the pay. But a recent new directive from the company’s top management started giving them cause for concern.

They wanted everyone to return to the office.

While I can understand the rational for not having a remote work option available for some job situations, this is not the case with this particular organization. The company does not manufacture a physical product that needs people to be on a production line.

When the pandemic came, almost everyone in the organization worked remotely. But by the beginning of 2022, when public transmissions of COVID were still high, they started asking some people to return to the office.

The result? Many employees who preferred remote work began looking for options. Within months, majority of those people left. Two years later, the person I spoke to informed me of how so much institutional knowledge had been lost as a result. Another friend who works in the same organization informed me of multiple project delays due to lack of qualified resources.

Given this situation, a rational person would be inclined to ask, “why?” For what reasons would such a reputable organization continue to shoot itself in the foot after seeing the initial backlash to its initial return to office directive?

Considering the potential dire consequences, it doesn’t seem to make sense for leadership to double down on the need for employees to return. A casual observer would find it difficult to believe that the top leadership didn’t see this backlash coming.

But it’s most likely they did. In fact, they may be expecting it.

Someone has posited one guess for this approach. In order to trim their payrolls and force attrition without the need for severance packages, some companies may be instituting these return to the office policies. In an op-ed last year, one CEO argued that leaders have an ulterior motive for forcing out-of-market employees to return to the office. He suggested that the main issue is passivity and lack of transparency.

But I don’t think this reason applies to this particular Fortune 500 organization. This is because the company is on a hiring binge. They’re feverishly bringing on new employees to replace those who are quitting as a result of the new policies.

So, for this organization, another reason must be in play.

I have heard of cities that are offering some organizations huge incentives to make a minimum percentage of their employees return to the office. Why do the cities care, you may ask. With many organizations reducing their physical office footprint as a result of remote work, many office buildings are becoming vacant.

The resulting losses in rent revenue from the building owners have caused them to put pressure on their local politicians, who in turn started offering incentives to leaders in organization to bring their people back to the office.

Personally, I have no beef with companies receiving incentives from the cities in which they operate. What I have a problem with is the lack of transparency form organizational leadership.

Some people in leadership tend to forget that being vulnerable and transparent are key powerful leadership traits. Rather than make up reasons that don’t hold water for why they want people to return to the office, they ought to be clear in communicating what’s going on for every employee to understand.

In this scenario, I thought the leadership could have informed their employees about the incentives from the city that are geared towards people returning to the office. Then, instead of mandating everyone to return, they could make it voluntary and provide incentives for those employees willing to return to the office.

Cash incentives can work wonders. After all, the company is getting monetary incentives from the city. So, why not pass on the incentives to the employees to help them cover the additional cost (to the employees) of returning to the office?

Some may think there won’t have any takers but I would disagree. Firstly, there are employees who prefer to work in the office even without any incentives. Throw in a good enough incentive along with a honest appeal and you’d find enough people willing to return.

When you approach it this way, I believe people would respond positively especially if there has been a culture of openness and transparency within the organization. On the other hand, a long-term erosion in trust can lead to a workforce full of employees with one foot out the door.

What are your thought on this? If you were working with the organization I referenced, what would you do? What trends are you seeing within your organization as it relates to this return to office saga.

When Optics is King

One of my mentors sent me a note last week that piqued my interest and prompted a question that I want you to consider. As a leader, do you care about how those you're leading see you?

Does it matter to you whether they respect you or not? Or maybe you just don't care. Could it be that as long as everyone knows you're the boss, nothing else matters?

I wonder how many people who are managers of teams revel in the position that is conferred on them by their titles. They don't care how their teams truly see them as long as the people suck up to them.

Last week, an excerpt from a forthcoming biography was released by the author, McKay Coppins. This is the biography of Mitt Romney, a United States senator from the state of Utah. Mr. Romney had also just announced that he would retire after his current term is over in 2024.

In the excerpt, Mr. Romney recalled a 2019 visit that then President Trump made to the weekly Senate Republican lunch in the Capitol. The senators gave the president a standing ovation and were attentive and encouraging during his remarks. But as soon as Mr. Trump left the room, the senators all burst out laughing at him.

Mitt Romney is one of the very few Republicans who have always been critical of Trump. He voted twice to impeach him and have spoken out boldly about the need for his party to move on from the former president. But he also contends that he's not alone. He says that many of his senate colleagues share his dim views of Trump but are just afraid to say so publicly. In the biography, he shared the story about Trump's visit to the Senate Republican lunch to prove the point.

Now, I know that any story about Trump these days is very polarizing (especially in the United States), so my sharing this anecdote here isn't an attempt to disparage him. I simply use it to call your attention to two things:

1. A leader whose team laughs at them behind their back but who has no clue or just doesn't care. Are you that kind of leader?

2. A follower who is afraid of speaking truth to power because of the potential blowback? Are you that kind of follower?

In these scenarios, the leader either lacks the self-awareness to see how their team actually sees them or they could care less. As long as their people praise them in public and say good things about them to their faces, all is well in their delusional world.

The follower on the other hand lacks the backbone and strength of character to stand for the truth. They're afraid of what they would lose if  they publicly speak or act in alignment with the values they hold dear.

Either of these people only seem to care about the optics. They're more concerned about appearances than the real deal.

What's more important to you? Appearances or authenticity.

You have the power to choose.

Remembering to Breathe

Like many people, I suffer from Spring allergies or hay fever as it is referred to in other parts of the world. During the peak of the season, I dare not venture outside for a few minutes without wearing a face mask. Yes, I've been wearing those face coverings long before COVID-19 made them fashion accessories.

But the face masks do not protect my eyes. So, they get very itchy on days that the pollen counts are high, even sometimes while I'm inside. As a result, I'm used to carrying eye drops around to ease the itching.

A few days ago, I suddenly became aware of something.

I found out that each time I finish putting those drops in my eyes, I begin to huff and puff, breathless as if I've just completed a 100-meter dash. This has been going on for several years but I never really paid attention to why it was happening.

The reason for this suddenly dawned on me a couple of days ago!

Anytime I tilt my face upwards and raise the tiny bottle up to put in the eye drops, I instinctively stop breathing. I didn't know why I was doing that neither did I realize I was doing it, but it happened each time. Does this happen to you also?

Maybe I'm the weird exception that this happens to!

I know that most of us don't pay attention to our breathing. That's because it's not something we consciously do. Our respiratory center is located in the medulla oblongata and is involved in the minute-to-minute control of our breathing. But this thing seems to forget to do its job whenever I'm putting drops in my eyes.

Why is that?

Researchers have discovered that when we face a threat of any kind, the brain tends to divert most of the body's resources to deal with the threat. That explains the reason why you can run faster than normal from danger when your life is at risk. Most of the body's active resources are directed toward making your legs move faster than they normally would if there were no threats.

That most likely explains why I stop breathing when strange liquid drops are about to enter my eyes. Even though I'm the one putting them in, it seems my brain is diverting all attention to my eyes to ensure that they're safe.

But I digress! That's not the point I'm trying to make in this newsletter.

My focus is really on some of the things we do without our conscious awareness of them. Over the past few months, I've been developing a new course for project managers for delivery through the Project Management Institute's PMI Training sessions. In the process, I've spent countless hours poring over different kinds of research about unconscious biases.

So, I wonder if my increased sensitivity to these biases is responsible for my new level of awareness of the reasons for the breathlessness I experience anytime I put those soothing drops into my itchy eyes. The fact is that there are so many things that we do daily without our conscious awareness of them.

Do you know what yours are?

I think it's time we begin slowing down to pay attention to the things we do and why we do them. That awareness could be the beginning of the journey into why you're getting the current results you are getting in your life and in your career.

Unfortunately, many people go through life without this awareness. Most of their behaviors are carried out without mindful thoughts behind them. And when the results come, they attribute it to fate. I'm reminded of a quote I've seen attributed to Carl Jung: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

So, why don't you and I begin to pay more attention to what we do and why we do them? Doing that and making changes where it's needed to ensure that our unconscious behaviors do not drive us off a cliff could be the beginning of the life transformation we've needed for a long time.

It's time to start remembering to breathe when dropping some relief into itchy eyes.

At least that's what I try to do these days.

Context Helps

Have you noticed how easily you whip out your smartphone to start scrolling or fiddling around even when you don’t have any specific task that you want to accomplish with it? And there are so many reasons why we do this. Maybe you’re bored. Or tired. Or when you’ve just sat down with nothing else to do.

You may not even notice what you’re doing. It has become an automatic and unconscious behavior for many of us. This smartphone habit is one of the many that most of us have developed over the years.

Last month, when one of the participants in my Emotional Intelligence course for project managers asked a question, it triggered something else in my mind about habits and how they’re so difficult to change once formed.

While many of us have developed good habits that are helpful to us, rarely would anyone disagree that they have one or two that are not so helpful. The interesting thing is that even when we are aware of what our bad habits are, we still find it hard to change them.

Why is this the case?

We may know those behaviors are not in our best interests. Still, we just can’t help ourselves but engage in them. In many instances, we know exactly what we need to stop doing. We just seem powerless to do so.

One thing most of us have failed to realize is that habits (even the bad ones) tend to serve a purpose in our lives. A habit is formed when you consistently meet an important need with a chosen behavior. Choosing that behavior each time the need presents itself is what leads to a habit being formed.

Once formed, the behavior is no longer a choice. It’s now done automatically without your conscious awareness. Our brain does this in order to free up brain power for the more important stuff. Studies have shown that habits form almost half of our daily actions.

The unfortunate thing is that we continue to engage in them even when these habits are not serving our best interests. More often than not, we delay or prevent our own success in life with some of these harmful habits. In some extreme cases, people engage in habits that eventually kill them.

I have come across people who have formed the habit of reacting negatively to constructive criticism even when it will help them. These people are shunning valuable counsel that could make a difference in their lives.

I’ve seen others who have developed the habit of being disrespectful to people they ought to show respect. They may realize it and feel guilty after they’ve exhibited the disrespectful behavior, but that doesn’t stop them from repeating the exact same behavior the next time the opportunity presents itself.

People could realize that a specific behavior is not helping their cause and then make a decision to change it. In most cases, however, they’re not able to follow through if the behavior has already become habitual.

This particular disconnect between what people say, feel, or believe and their actual behaviors was of interest to researcher Dr. Wendy Wood, a psychologist at the University of Southern California (USC). “I became fascinated by why changing attitudes don’t always lead to a change in behavior,” Wood says. She continued: “One answer is habits - how they keep us persisting in old actions - and how people underestimate the role of habits in their daily lives.”

Dr. Wood, along with her colleagues and students discovered a few reasons why our feelings about a particular behavior may not translate to the changing of said behavior. One of these is the context under which the behavior is performed. One critical context cue they discovered was the location.

Change the location that brings the habits out of you and you’re well on your way to breaking the habit. For example, if I want to break the habit of stopping for coffee at a drive-thru each morning while driving to work, I need to change the location context, i.e. take a different route to work. If sitting on a specific couch in a particular spot of your living room is the context for a habit you're trying to break, sit somewhere else.

The same approach works for starting a new habit. Find a location that will be the context for the new behavior to take root.

Wondering if it’s that easy?

Well, breaking a habit that you want to change is never easy, but this gives you a very strong leg up.

Knowing When Time's Up

Less than two weeks ago, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern suddenly announced her resignation. When I first heard it, my mind immediately thought of what she must have done to warrant her stepping down.

But I was wrong.

In an era when leaders around the world hold on, and try to consolidate their powers even in the face of scandals, Ardern isn't leaving because she did anything wrong. She's leaving because according to her, she thinks she's no longer able to shoulder the responsibility of leading the country.

Her actual words were:

"𝑰'𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅. 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒈𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 - 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕. 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒋𝒐𝒃 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆. 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆."

I think she deserves some kind of global award to recognize this decision. There's no Nobel prize in Leadership, but I believe Ms. Ardern deserves one. What she did is a rare attribute of great leaders. This is what true leadership is all about.

The greatest passion of a true leader is to serve and bring about positive change for the benefit of those being led. That includes the ability to recognize when you're no longer able to deliver and also having the courage to step aside.

Such courage, honesty, and humility are rarely seen in people at the highest levels of government. Consider that she's also the youngest ever head of government - she was only 37 years old when she was elected as Prime Minister. This is proof that great leadership has nothing to do with age.

I hope some of the (older, and supposedly wiser) sexagenarian and septuagenarian heads of state can learn a thing or two from this great leader. Rather than weakly holding on to power irresponsibly as some have done (or tried to do), she demonstrates that it's a show of strength to relinquish it willingly.

Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe held onto power for 37 years before being forced out of the presidency. He was 93 years old at the time and refused calls from his own party to step down until the decision was made for him. For someone like that, being president had nothing to do with serving people. It's about consolidating power.

While this tendency to hold onto power is common in politics and government, it's not completely absent in business.

I once had a boss who tried all he could to suppress and keep down those of us working on his team so that none of us would be able to take over his position. He was so short-sighted in his thinking that he had reached the apex of his career in the company and wanted to stay there for as long as he could. His tactic worked for a while and he lost quite a few good team members in the process.

Great leaders know what it takes to lead their teams. A good portion of that is knowing when they're no longer the right person to lead the team.

Will you know when you're not the right leader your team needs?

Will I?

A Gift Worth Receiving

I've come to discover that it's very easy for us to show love and kindness to people who appear to us to be kind and loving. I’ll concede that this is by no means an earth-shattering discovery. You most likely have noticed this tendency with yourself and others.

I surely have.

Attributes such as love, kindness, and compassion tend to be reciprocal. When you receive love from someone, you tend to love them back. When someone respects you, you reflect that respect back to them. When someone acts towards you with humility, you want to reciprocate.

Even more, these attributes also tend to be transmissible from the recipient to a different person. When you receive kindness from someone, you tend to be kind toward other people. That's one of the reasons paying it forward at drive-throughs could go on for very long times.

Some of us would even go further and show kindness to others who have been neither kind nor unkind to us - those whose behaviors you consider neutral. Of course, the neutrality of such behaviors can only be determined by the person on the receiving end of that behavior. What one person deems neutral could come across to another as a positive experience, and yet by another as negative.

But my focus is neither on these neutral behaviors nor is it on those who show us kindness. I want to hone in on a different group - the ones we perceive as unkind.

How do we typically respond to these people? In most cases, we pay them back in kind (well, more like in unkindness). In other situations, we avoid them. I know these are my natural tendencies and I've observed the same in others too.

Of these two, because being unkind to people generally comes across as - to put it mildly - not good, I've found myself avoiding people who have been unkind or unpleasant to me. I tended to behave similarly towards people whose behaviors I didn't understand. If I didn't have to be around them, I would gladly avoid them.

However, I've since realized that when I did this, I didn't learn and I didn't grow. I missed out on the opportunities afforded me to learn from them because of that what I saw as their unkind behavior or approach.

It's natural for many of us to want or seek validation. We want to be around those who see the best in us and give us words of affirmation each time we encounter them. When done appropriately in the right context, this can be good for your self-esteem. But there's danger in it.

The danger of complacency and stagnation.

Whether we like to hear it or not, the truth is that no one is perfect and we all have areas of opportunity to be better. But when we avoid those in our lives whose behaviors tend to point out where our learning opportunities lie, we miss out on those moments to learn and grow.

So, who is it that you don't understand? From whom have you been keeping your distance because they tend to highlight where your growth opportunities are? Or maybe you avoid them because they're just plain rude or mean.

There are times when you may even realize that what these people are telling you is the truth. Maybe you already know that's an area you need to grow. You just don't like the idea of them (or anyone) pointing it out. It hits you hard, so you get defensive.

In our ego, we reject the truth of what they're saying because it's an indictment of us. We reject the message just because we don't like the messenger and maybe their manner of delivery. Sometimes, we even reject a new message that's both useful and delivered well because of our nasty experiences with previous deliveries.

I've noticed this with adult children whose parents are still around. After becoming independent individuals who feel they've finally been liberated from the shackles of their parent's control, they react negatively to most, and sometimes, any constructive feedback from their parents. They just don’t want to hear it.

What they fail to realize is that these are the people who most likely love them the most (having known them their entire lives), and who want the best for them.

Whether it comes from parents, mentors, or well-meaning friends, we must learn to appreciate feedback for what it truly is - a gift. I think it's a gift that is worth receiving irrespective of how we feel about the source or the delivery channel.

So, the next time any of these people (who you know truly have your back) share something that they think will help, listen with humility, and don't allow your earlier perceptions of them to discolor your receptiveness.

You could be missing out on a valuable gift otherwise.

Playing the Victim

About 10 days ago, Elon Musk’s turbulent acquisition of Twitter was finalized. Less than a week later, he fired about half of the company’s employees.

Methinks this is just the beginning of a long saga involving the bluebird.

Musk said there has been a “massive drop in revenue” after several companies, including General Mills, Unilever, United Airlines, American Express, Ford, Forbes, Pfizer, and Volkswagen (along with its automotive brands - Audi, Lamborghini, Bentley, and Porsche) among many others, pulled back on their Twitter ads due to concerns over content moderation. He blamed the drop on pressure from activists.

As I watched this situation unfold, I couldn’t help but see where a couple of key emotional intelligence skills would have made a difference. Here are some of the things I’ve noticed so far:

Firstly, it seemed to me that the acquisition itself was not properly thought through. How else would you classify saying you would acquire a company for US$44 billion (which many considered an overpayment) and then tried to back away from it?

No proper due diligence was done. Musk spoke and acted before thinking through what the ramifications were. This showed a lack of Impulse Control. He probably didn’t count on Twitter suing him when he tried back away from his offer. The result? Being forced to go ahead with an acquisition he probably didn’t really want. That’s the consequence of the first shot he aimed at his own foot.

In addition, I think many of his own pronouncements before and during the acquisition most likely spooked many of the company’s advertisers. For a platform that has for years struggled with how to balance free speech with misinformation and hate speech, I would have thought saying that you want to open it up to voices that you think have been suppressed could strike terror into advertisers who are concerned that their ads could appear alongside problematic content. So, it should have come as no surprise that they may take their ad spending elsewhere. But it seems he didn’t see that coming.

The same Impulse Control skill could be seen in very short supply when Musk unilaterally decided to fire about 3,700 employees less than a week after the acquisition was finalized. Of course, he could do whatever he wanted since he’s now the sole owner. Layoffs are unfortunately common these days but great organizations know that when needed, they should be done with copious amounts of planning, care, compassion, and respect for every person impacted.

None of these seem to have played a role here. Almost immediately after the layoffs started, there were reports of a class-action lawsuit being filed by current and former employees saying the company did not give sufficient notice of the layoff under state and federal laws.

What about the effects of the layoffs on those left behind? I can't help but imagine the level of fear that is now permeating the entire organization. Psychological safety is most likely gone. Many would be wondering if they are next and would definitely start looking for opportunities elsewhere. Their focus would now be divided and employee engagement will fall. Innovation will suffer as no one will be willing to promote fresh ideas or challenge proposals. The company could become a caricature of its former self.

Even more telling are unconfirmed news reports (as of this writing) that just after about three days of the layoffs, Twitter started asking some of the employees to return. One report said that “management at Twitter has come to the realization it either let some workers off by accident or without realizing their experience was essential to building the features Elon Musk wants to bring to the platform.”

I would have thought that a businessman and corporate leader of Musk’s caliber would understand the effect that such a hastily-concocted layoff will have on the quality of the company’s products and the morale of those who remain. But hey, what do I know?!

Another skill I see lacking in this who saga is Self-Awareness. Instead of seeing where his own actions and missteps have contributed to the huge losses in revenue, Musk is blaming others (“activists”) for his woes. Rather than looking inward to consider how he had contributed to the predicament, he’s seeing himself as a victim and embracing an external locus of control.

The activists on the other hand say “Elon’s ‘hellscape’ is already here.” They claim that he’s bringing the revenue losses on himself because his actions aren't matching his words and advertisers can see that for themselves. I agree with their assessment. Maybe that makes me an “activist” too! Of course, your actions are unlikely to match your words when you tend to speak and act without thinking through the repercussions - especially if you do so on a public platform with hundreds of millions listening to you.

I can point to a couple more, but it's not my intention to belabor the point. My intention is to show how a deficiency in any emotional intelligence skill can be costly for a leader. Lacking in just a few of the skills can be deadly. It would be interesting to see how this Twitter saga eventually plays out. I think it will be a wild ride for everyone involved.

While you and I can dissect Elon Musk all day because his words and actions are on display for all to see, what’s even more important is how the lack of these same skills is affecting our own life and career successes.

Do you look inwards when things don't go as you expect or is it always someone else’s fault?

Have you taken stock of how not being able to control your impulses could be delaying or derailing your success?

If you haven't, this may be a good time to do so. And reach out for help before it becomes too late.

Stubborn Weeds

In the middle of the United States where I live, the summer heat can be brutal. Most people who are not familiar with the midwestern part of the country tend to be surprised that we get the two extremes of temperatures each year.

It can be as hot as 100°F (roughly 37.8°C) in July/August during the peak of summer. Yet, roughly 6 months later during the coldest of winter, high daily temperatures can dip to 0°F (-17.8°C) or less. Factor in the wind chills and you could turn into a popsicle within a few minutes if you get caught outside in those frigid temperatures.

For those of us who live in the suburbs, our lawns usually take a beating during those summer months of insane heat. The luscious green turns into a field of dry, bristle brown grass. Last week, as I surveyed my yard, I couldn't help but notice a few patches of green in some spots. Closer examinations reveal what those green patches were.

Weeds!

I'm one person who is fastidious about ensuring that things stay where they belong. And I definitely don't think weeds belong on my lawn. So, I tend to follow a strict regimen of weeding and feeding my lawn each year.

But no matter how much effort I put into it, a few of the weeds would simply not go away. You get rid of them in one spot and they sprout up in another. The most perplexing of it all is that even during the summer heat when most of the grass is dying from thirst, the few weeds tend to thrive and blossom.

A few days ago, I went around the yard, manually uprooting the weeds within my field of vision. As I did this, I couldn't help but think about the ones I couldn't get to because of time. I hadn't planned on pulling out weeds at that time, I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving them there any longer.

I also wondered about how long it would be before they grow back.

Soon, this got me thinking about habits and how they're so difficult to get rid of once they are formed. Also, for some reason, it seems bad, unwanted habits tend to form easily, just like those weeds. They creep in unawares and before you know it, they’ve taken over your life.

Do you pay attention to those things you tend to do repeatedly without much thought? That's basically what habits are. And because we don't think really into those behaviors, we most likely do not recognize whether or not they're serving us.

My challenge for you this week is that you simply begin paying attention to your habits. I'm sure you've probably developed a few good ones. Do you know what they are? What benefits do they bring you?

Take stock and identify the benefits you get from your good habits.

What about the bad ones? Do you have any of those? If you can't think of any, I suggest you ask those closest to you - that's if you're brave enough. Most of us don't like others pointing out our bad habits. But I think you'll be doing yourself a world of good if you embrace this from time to time and ask those who know you best.

After all, you can't begin to change something if you don't know how it's impeding your progress. And I'm sure you don't want anything to cut short your life’s success.

Do you?