Humility

Why Leaders Need Short Memory

When it’s difficult to forget

As a web designer, Matt was passionate about his job. He loved what he did. He’s willing to give his best every time. And he delivered too! He was one of the better performers on the team. If you want top notch work, you need him on your team.

But suddenly, things seemed to have taken a turn for the worse. This once very productive and engaged employee has turned into a shadow of his old self. His morale is shattered. He now dreads getting up to go to work each day. The love for what he does has gone cold. He could no longer give his best. His productivity is suffering.

Hold on a second! How did we get here? To understand this, let’s back up a little.

Although Matt delivered on the job, he also came with some baggage. He was a little rough around the edges. He would do a good job, but the way he did it rubbed many on the teams the wrong way. His approach could be seen as abrasive at times. Matt didn’t see it that way. He thought people should be able to hear the truth told to them even if it hurts. He didn't see eye to eye on this issue with Jenny, his manager.

But that was a long time ago. After years of feedback and coaching, Matt has come around and you can now see definite signs of improvement. He’s not completely there yet, but you could see the effort and the progress he’s making.

However, that’s not good enough for Jenny. How could she just forget the past? She knew what this guy was like! And no matter what change she may be seeing now, her already-formed opinion remains.

Jenny believes that a leopard never changes its spots. So she knows that whatever improvements she's seen in Matt are not real. Even when others who used to complain about Matt told her about the positive changes they’ve seen, she simply explained them away. After all, people don’t change!

This attitude irks Matt.

What more do I need to do? I listened to what they told me! I’ve tried to change because of all the feedback and coaching I’ve received. Still, it’s not enough! I’m tired!

As a result, they continue to butt heads. With the prolonged, ongoing confrontation with Jenny, Matt’s motivation took a nose dive. His performance started to falter. He simply hated the environment in which he now has to work. He now had to drag himself out of bed each morning.

As Jenny began to notice the change in Matt’s performance, it only reinforced the negative perception she already had about him.

Now he’s gone from being difficult to work with to downright incompetent!

What happened? This was someone who was very good at what he does. How did he suddenly become inept at doing the same job? His job responsibilities haven’t changed, so what changed? What happened to this once engaged, high performer?

Jenny started thinking of how to get rid of Matt. But before she could make a move, Matt resigned. He took another job where his zeal and enthusiasm returned. And he returned to being a good performer.

Team leaders and supervisors need very short memory when it comes to areas where their people need to improve. That’s especially true when you see them making the effort towards positive change. We need to nurture and encourage them. We should reward and recognize them for the change, even if it’s baby steps.

I understand that this is not natural for many of us. But as leaders, we need to work at it. We need a change from this natural tendency. If we don’t, and we allow past experiences to discolor present reality, we may end up losing valuable people.

If we don’t, our organizations and teams will be the worse for it.

Mr. Know-It-All

When you’re never wrong.

Photo courtesy of Treza Trisnandhy

Photo courtesy of Treza Trisnandhy

No one person knows everything, right?

Not even Watson, the IBM cognitive technology computer that, in 2011, was the hands-down winner on the TV show, Jeopardy!

Well, Watson doesn't even qualify to be in the discussion since it’s not a person.

So, if very few will dispute the fact that no one person on earth knows everything, why then do we sometimes behave as if we do? Let's listen in on this dialogue that took place at a family dinner table.

Dad: What was that you were watching just before coming to dinner?

Son: “Ruthless Violations”

Dad: Isn’t that a bad TV show? Why are you watching it?

Son: I don’t think it’s bad. Have you seen it?

Dad: No, I haven’t. But I’m sure it’s bad. With a name like “Ruthless Violations”, how good can it be?

Son: It’s not really that bad. It was a show originally created by the CVS Network.

Dad: No, it’s not from CVS! It’s a bad show!

Mom: Are you sure it’s not from CVS? You’ve not even checked it yet.

Dad: Yes, I checked it! I know it’s not from CVS.

Mom: How did you know that it’s not from CVS?

Dad: I checked it last week!

Mom: Really?! So you knew that this discussion, about this particular show was going to happen, and you checked it then and could still accurately remember that it’s not from CVS?

Dad: Yes, I remember!

Mom: Are you sure about that? So, there’s not even a remote possibility that you could be wrong?

Dad: No, I’m not wrong! I’m very sure of it!

Finally, mom kept quiet and said nothing more. Later that day, she checked and found that truly, the show was created by CVS. But she said nothing to her husband. She knew him. Saying something will only lead to more arguments, and she didn’t want any more of that.

This slightly modified dialogue from a true-story is not meant to show how bad the make-believe show, “Ruthless Violations” is; nor is it to portray the fictional CVS television network as a good one. The purpose is to highlight this dad's behavior.

Are you like this dad? If you are, allow me to point out three things.

1. You may think you know, but you probably don’t

When you argue in favor of a point without entertaining the fact that you may be wrong, it’s a little disturbing. What you’re saying is that you know all there is to know about that situation or subject. This is highly improbable, even if you are an expert on the subject. Ask yourself the following: could there have been new developments that I’m not aware of? Do I really know all there is about the situation?

What’s more ridiculous is that you don’t just argue this way in areas you consider yourself an expert. You also do it even when you know that the other person you’re arguing with probably knows more than you.

Maybe you don’t realize it, but it seems your goal is just to win the argument. And it doesn't matter that you claim to know what you may not. You take the little you know about the subject, and argue it to its illogical conclusions.

2. You won’t learn

Because you think you’re right, you probably won’t take the time to check out the facts after the argument is over. To you, it’s done with. You’ve won. And that’s what really matters. As a result, you remain in your ignorant state on that subject. You don’t learn.

Someone who wants learn and grow from the experience will try to check the facts once the argument is over. But that’s not you. You don’t need to learn. You know everything!

3. People avoid you

No one would want to talk to you about anything of importance. That’s because they know all they will get from you is more argument. In fact, when they unknowingly say anything that triggers this behavior from you, they quickly recognize the symptom and throw in the towel. They let you win, even if they have facts that dispute your point. They just won’t go there. They avoid you.

So, what can you do?

Resolve to hear the other person out and consider their point of view. Admit you don’t know everything. Even if you do know a lot about the subject, you may still learn something.

Resist the temptation to argue. You already know that you have that tendency. Make a conscious effort not to, even when you’re a hundred percent certain that you’re right.

So, stop it already! If not, you won’t learn a thing about what you don’t know! And you only make people avoid you.

Trust me. I know.