Set the Captive Free

It happens all the time.

Someone does something that you find offensive, and what do you do? If you're human (as I suspect that you are), it's very likely that you'd do what many of us tend to do.

We take offense.

What follows immediately after being offended depends on a range of factors -  from your personality to the history between you and the offender. You may lash out and give them an earful. You could also keep it in and not breathe a word even though you're fuming inside.

Either way, how you handle the offense may not end there. You may brood over it and spend a long time thinking about the injustice of what they've done. You plot your revenge and plan how you're going to execute the vengeance. You need to make them feel the heavy impact of their hurtful behavior, right?

Well, depending on how deep the hurt is, this vengeful crusade can consume you and take over control of your life. Anytime you come across anything that reminds you of the person who offended you, your heart skips a beat; and not in a good way. In those moments, dark emotions overtake you.

At every instance when this happens, your creative energy is sapped and your rational thinking faculty become impaired. In so doing, you actually become temporarily incapacitated. You're not able to function at your optimal best. When this scenario plays out frequently over a period of time, you begin to cut short your own success unawares.

Meanwhile, the person who offended you is running free. They're most likely completely oblivious to what their behavior has caused in you. While you're being weighed down by the effects of the negative emotions coursing through your body, they're enjoying their life to the fullest.

Without realizing it, you have ceded control of your life to them even though they're not aware of it. You have allowed them to continuously dictate the terms of your existence without their realization. You've become a captive, held in chains by your thoughts. There's now only one way out.

Forgiveness.

Anytime we hear that word, it seems to have religious connotations for many people, and for good reasons.

This past weekend, Christians around the world celebrated Easter as we remember the sacrifice of Jesus in dying for the sins of mankind. His suffering, death, and resurrection brought the forgiveness of sins for anyone who chooses to place their trust in that finished work on the cross.

So, it's no remiss that the word brings up spiritual implications. But it's also equally important in this scenario.

In human relationships, many of us seem to think that forgiving someone who has offended us is an act for the benefit of the offender. As a result, we could choose to not forgive, especially if we've been so hurt by their offense. We don't want to let them off so easily. So, we hold on to the offense and keep ruminating over the hurts.

But as I stated earlier, doing this keeps you captive by the offense. So, forgiveness is not really for the offender. Forgiveness is for the person who's offering it.

Forgiveness does set the captive free. But the captive it sets free is not the offender. It's the person who gives it. It sets you free from the bondage that those negative emotions have held you.

So, is there someone you need to forgive for something? It doesn't matter how egregious the offense was. Taking an offense and holding onto it for a long time destroys one person only: YOU.

It's time to forgive and let the captive go free. Free yourself now from the bondage of unforgiveness.

You owe yourself at least that.

Set Yourself Free

At the college where I completed my undergraduate studies, one of the two female dormitories was completed in 1956. Named "Queen Elizabeth II Hall," the formal opening ceremony was performed by the queen while on a visit to Nigeria in February of that year.

Since after my time at the University of Ibadan, anytime I hear anything about Queen Elizabeth II, my mind immediately goes back to “Queen's Hall”, as many of us who studied in that college referred to that hall of residence. That’s what came to my mind when I heard of the passing of the British monarch a few days ago.

I've never been a close watcher of the inner workings of the royal family, so I'm neither a fan nor a detractor. I do know that when it comes to the British Empire, many people around the world have strong feelings. The reason for this is not that difficult to decipher since the British, at the peak of their empire, colonized about a fourth of the planet.

Despite that, I've been surprised by the level of viciousness with which some people have responded to the death of the queen. Even before her passing last Thursday, when news reports initially said she was in grave conditions, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University tweeted what I thought is one of the most vindictive statements I've come across: “I heard the chief monarch of a thieving raping genocidal empire is finally dying. May her pain be excruciating.”

The reactions to her tweet were swift. While Twitter deleted it (saying it had violated the platform’s rules), Uju Anya continued to defend her beliefs, saying “There’s not going to be any apology from me. I stand by what I said.”

Despite widespread criticism of her comments, including an official statement from Carnegie Mellon (calling her statement “offensive and objectionable,”) Anya doubled down on her stance. In a follow-up tweet, she wrote, “If anyone expects me to express anything but disdain for the monarch who supervised a government that sponsored the genocide that massacred and displaced half my family and the consequences of which those alive today are still trying to overcome, you can keep wishing upon a star.”

Even though many mourned the queen's passing and celebrated her longevity and 70-year reign, the majority of the condemnations from other quarters were mainly denunciations of the British monarchy’s legacy of colonial violence and exploitation. Professor Anya took this a little further.

Her vicious statements were made because of what happened during the Nigerian civil war in the late 1960s when a secession attempt by a part of the country was quelled. She seemed to be blaming the British for aiding the Nigerian government to crush the breakaway attempt. More than 1 million people were lost during that period of unnecessary bloodshed.

But I'm not here to relitigate what happened decades ago. Personally, my prayers and thoughts are with everyone in the royal family as they mourn the loss of the Queen.

The first thing I wondered about on seeing Anya's tweet was the state of her heart. I could only imagine the amount of hatred rummaging around in her heart, and the level of damage this must be doing to her. Her anger and hatred are not just towards the queen. It is towards what she represented as the head of the British monarchy.

With Prince Andrews' scandals and the falling out of Prince Harry and Meghan Markel dominating the news over the past few years, it's not too far-fetched to imagine that each time something from the royal family comes out, that deep hatred digs in and puts another hook into Anya's heart. What we saw in her tweets was just a symptom of something that's been growing in her heart for decades.

Here's what I know: hate is a strong force that destroys. It's a poison that eventually kills the hater. I recollect a quote from Matshona Dhliwayo: "Hatred destroys you before it destroys the ones you hate." The negative emotions that accompany hate anytime the subject of the hatred is remembered strips you of your creative mental energy. You are the one who loses. You are the one who gets destroyed.

Please don't let that happen to you. Don't let hatred destroy you. Make efforts to forgive.

Forgiveness sets the prisoner free. You are that prisoner.

Set yourself free.