Waiting for Results

A couple of weeks ago, my thoughts turned toward the small garden that I have at the back of our home. Although it was still bitterly cold at the time (it’s still not warm enough yet), Spring is just around the corner and I was thinking about what I will be planting this year.

Over the years, I usually plant tomatoes along with a few vegetables - sweet and spicy peppers mostly. But I didn’t plant anything last year. I left the soil fallow so that it could recover from years of annual planting. I did that because of what happened two years ago during that planting season.

I typically grow two tomato plants each year. Because tomatoes are acidic, I rotate the specific spots in which they’re planted in the garden. Despite doing this two years ago, one of the tomato plants produced only a handful of fruit. It didn’t germinate well despite being given the same care and attention as the other one. I tried all I knew to do but nothing worked.

That was a frustrating experience for me. I felt like I could have done something different to help that plant flourish. But the fact was that it actually received extra care than the other one - which had produced a lot of fruit. Yet, it didn’t produce to the level of my expectations.

As I pondered this a few weeks ago, my thought soon wandered to how this seems to parallel our expectations in life.

I couldn’t help but be amazed  at how much we humans are full of ourselves in many areas of life. We pride ourselves as achievers. We think we get things done. We believe our successes in life are the results of our diligence and dedication. We make things happen.

But do we?

My conclusion is that we really do not make anything happen. I’m sure you’re now wondering if I’ve gone crazy! And that may well be true. But please hear me out for a moment.

Here’s what I know. We have learned from experience the combination of things to do to get what we want out of life. But we don’t really MAKE anything happen, do we?

I don’t MAKE the plants in my garden grow. I CAN’T make them grow. I have no such power. Neither does any farmer. What I have learned is that I give my plants the greatest chance of growing and producing fruits when I take good care of them by watering and clearing the weeds that want to choke them.

And there are times when even that’s not enough - just like my stunted tomato plant from two years ago. All I can do after doing all I know to do is wait and let the laws of nature take over. I can’t make them grow faster. And I can’t make them produce good fruits in abundance.

For many of us, that’s all we need to do after doing all that we know to do. Simply wait.

If you’re dealing with losses in your life right now, do all you know to do; then simply wait.

If that promotion you’re expecting is taking longer to manifest despite all you’ve done; wait.

If you’re overwhelmed by all that’s happening around you, making you feel you don’t have control; just wait. You were really never in control to begin with. If you were truly in control, you would make things happen by fiat. Being overwhelmed would then be out of the question.

I want to be clear that this is not an excuse to be lazy and become complacent with mediocrity. You cannot reap good fruits if you’re lazy about taking care of the plant. That will result in a guaranteed crop failure.

But when you’ve done all you know to do, and you’re constantly challenging yourself to grow, learn trying new and better approaches to doing a better job than before, all you can do is to wait. As you wait, don’t allow the negativity of the situation weigh you down.

What I’m offering here is counsel against worry and anxiety about something that’s out of your control. Rest in the fact that you have done all you know and need to do. See the period as a waiting season - when your plant is growing and getting ready to produce fruit.

Know that the harvest is coming. Be expectant of a great harvest. Be optimistic and don’t let the prolonged season of germination flood your mind with negative thoughts.

Remember that what you think about, you bring about. That’s the law of attraction.

Family ThanksLiving

It's Thanksgiving week here in the United States. It’s the time we gather with our families to give thanks for many things. The Thanksgiving season is reputed to be the busiest travel season in the U.S. as millions of people get together with friends and family.

Since it also unofficially signals the beginning of the Christmas shopping season, all kinds of deals and sales discounts are been pitched to us.

I've always marveled at how the very next thing we do after getting together to give thanks for what we have, is to go out and buy more things. We're thankful for what we have and we celebrate it by rushing to go buy more stuff that we don't need.

But that's not my topic for this newsletter. Maybe another time.

Usually with my family, when we sit together for Thanksgiving dinner, we go around the table to share at least one thing for which we're thankful. But lately, I've been wondering about what could happen if we treat every single day of the year this way.

Yes, there are many of us who may have developed a consistent attitude of gratitude. I just wonder what the difference would be if we do this daily with friends and family the same way some of us do during our Thanksgiving dinners.

How would this change our relationships with those closest to us? I think it would deepen them and help us to be closer to those we love the most.

You may be wondering how this could play out in practical terms. How can you daily share what you're thankful for with family members without repeating stuff?

I think we can easily answer these questions when we look beyond the obvious and are not limited in our thinking about what deserves our thanks. When it comes to gratitude, most of us usually think of the big stuff - life, food, family, jobs, health, etc. But when we look a little deeper, we'll discover that we're missing out on a whole range of things for which we can be thankful.

In most cases, our life experiences cause us to take some things for granted. It was G. K. Chesterton who said, “When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” I have heard of people who, after going on a short-term mission trip to an impoverished part of the world, returned with a strong appreciation for the things they've taken for granted most of their lives.

For example, most of us in North America take electricity and potable, pipe-borne water for granted. We never think about how privileged we are to have such easy access to these essentials of life until a tornado or hurricane comes to town and deprives us of them.

But when you have experienced living without access to regular electricity, even for a couple of weeks, it's unlikely you'll ever forget it. You get a new appreciation each time you walk into a dark room, flip a switch and the light comes on.

A few other things that we take for granted come to mind - breathing easily (some can't take a breath without the help of a machine), our mistakes (they sometimes help shape our path in life), and the people who care about us but we take their advice and wisdom for granted.

I'm sure there are a few of these which are unique to you and your life experience. You only need to pause and reflect on your existence to see other things that you may have taken for granted but for which you could be thankful. List them and begin to see a positive change in your life as you express gratitude for these on a daily basis with those closest to you

I recommend you begin this Thanksgiving.

The Sinistral Advantage

Photo by Jan Kopřiva on Unsplash

I don't remember having a single friend or classmate who was left-handed while growing up as a child. That's because I grew up in a culture where the use of the left hand was strongly frowned upon.

Using the left hand was seen as a sign of disrespect. You were considered rude if you tried to give or receive anything with your left hand.

In the Nigerian Yoruba culture in which I was raised, a child using the left hand to give something to an adult was quickly met with a rebuke, punishment or both. I later found out that this view of the Sinistral or the Southpaw (as Americans call them) is common in many cultures.

And here I was, thinking it was a Yoruba thing!

In medieval times, lefties were thought to be in league with the devil and considered less intelligent than right-handers. During the Middle Ages, the Sinistral lived in danger of being accused of practicing witchcraft.

In fact, the devil himself was considered a southpaw. Satan and other evil spirits were always conjured up using left-handed gestures. That was when we didn't know any better. Well, maybe some cultures still don't know any better!

Several kinds of research have shown the wonderful advantages of being left-handed in our dominant dextral world.

Because the majority of the world's population is right-handed (about 90%), southpaws have to adjust to using tools, equipment, machines and instruments manufactured for the right-handers. Research has shown that being forced to adapt in this way, brings enormous advantages to left-handers.

• They find it easier to multi-task and process heavy information because they're continuously being forced to use both sides of their brains for effectively adjusting in a right-handed world.

• They tend to do better in sports because they play against right-handers who are not used to, and therefore have not had enough practice against left-handers.

• It's also been noted that about 57% of lefties pass the driving test on their first try as compared to the dextrals, who has a pass percentage of 47%. This is despite the fact that almost every car design is done to favor the right-handers; except in the UK, Ireland, Australia, and a few other former British colonies where vehicles are driven on the left side of the road.

And there's more! But I think you get the gist.

Suddenly, I'm feeling I should have been left-handed!

The difficulties the southpaws face in adjusting to a right-handed world seems to be giving them unique strengths and advantages.

Do you know how your current difficulties could be giving you a unique advantage? Have you given thought to the fact that your problems and troubles could be preparing you for something better?

You never know how those afflictions and struggles you're facing can combine to produce in you a greater opportunity in life. So, don't quickly discount those difficulties and hardships you're going through now:

• the pressure to meet your needs with reduced work or no job.

• the difficulties you're facing with your current job search.

• the troubles you encounter with trying to fill job openings.

• juggling jobs and child care with unusual intensity.

. . . and many other trials and tribulations you’re facing.

All of these are building in you, the strength and resilience that would probably come no other way. It may seem like you're just surviving now, but the skills you're developing and honing today, are prepping you to thrive in the future.

Just look back at the past two years of living with COVID.

Many of those difficult work adjustments we had to make early in the year 2020 have now paved the way for a new normal. Many people are now working remotely - much more than anyone could have thought was possible as recently as 2019.

Instead of allowing these adversities to weigh you down, why not embrace them with joy?

How do you do this? Here are a couple of approaches that can help.

Begin paying attention to your thoughts. Many of us don’t pay attention to the kind of thoughts we focus on. We let our thoughts run wild. Research has shown that about 85% of our daily thoughts tend to be negative. We love to wallow in our misery. Those negative thoughts will produce the negative emotions that will weigh you down. Start paying attention to how long you allow negative thoughts to dominate your mind.

Avoid negative self-talk. Stressed out feelings are often stoked by self-sabotaging, negative self-talk. Statements such as “I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.” or “It’s absolutely impossible for me to do this!” can only guarantee that the vicious cycle of stress and negativity will keep running at full throttle. One way to avoid this is by writing down the difficult situations you’re dealing with. Follow this up by including what you can do about each situation, and what benefits each one can bring. This moves you from a passive position to taking an active stance.

Doing these two things will start you on the way towards building the resilience you need to overcome difficulties. They develop something in you. Something that could soon come in handy.

So, what difficulties are you currently going through?

What advantages can you see them bringing you in the future? 

Scarcity or Abundance

“Don't give it to them!”

That's the advice I was given when a couple of colleagues asked for my customized presentation slides.

It was a few years ago. I was an instructor for a major organization which schedules seminars all across North America. Each course has a base slide template for the content. But each instructor can leverage their experience to customize the content and make it relatable to the course participants.

For my emotional intelligence seminar, I use many stories from my work experience as an engineer and a project manager to drive home many of the concepts. I also modified the slide deck accordingly.

At the beginning of the pandemic, we pivoted from in-person events to virtual environments. For these sessions, another instructor who teaches the same course is scheduled as a co-facilitator who is in the background most of the time. They're usually there for backup for when internet connection problems arise.

Over one two-week period, I had two different co-instructors. Each one (separately) loved the changes I've made to the slides, so after our session together, they asked if I could share my modified slide deck with them.

When I informed someone very close to me about the requests, I got the response I shared earlier.

"Don't give it to them!"

"Let them customize it their own way!"

But I saw no benefit in doing that. It cost me nothing to share my slides with them.

In fact, I was flattered that they saw something they wanted to emulate in how I modified the content. Afterall, it was Oscar Wilde who said, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness." Not saying I'm great, but . . . 😀

That advice I received to not share my slides came from a scarcity mindset.

People with a scarcity mindset believe the pie is limited or fixed, so they want to keep as much of the pie as possible for themselves. That's why this mindset is also termed “fixed” as opposed to a “growth” mindset. To them, another's gain is their loss.

But this is hardly true. In fact, another's loss could end up being your loss too. That's because the scarcity mindset is not limited to material things. It permeates every aspect of our existence. I believe it's an extension of having a fixed mindset.

Known for her work on mindset, Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychologist found out that children who have a growth mindset that intelligence can be developed are better able to overcome academic challenges than those who have a fixed mindset that intelligence is predetermined.

If you believe you're born dumb, and that there's nothing you can do about it, you won't try to learn. You'd believe the ability is beyond you. If you think you're powerless, you live subdued and subjugated. You fall apart with every challenge you face. You won't even try to work at overcoming them.

This mindset affects not only how we live personally, it’s also rampant within organizations.

Many people in the corporate world have been conditioned to have a scarcity mentality. This is the reason managers micromanage. It's why some hoard information. When these happen, an organization cannot achieve its stated goals.

How do you pivot from scarcity mindset to abundance mindset? Allow me to share three simple ways.

𝑭𝒐𝒄𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒕𝒔. Instead of the natural tendency many of us have to focus on what we lack, pay attention instead to what you do have. Take a look at your assets and think about how you can use them to your advantage. What strengths do you have? What experiences have shaped your life hitherto? How are your skills in one industry transferrable to another? In what ways can you use them for your benefit? Answering this questions focuses your attention on what you can do.

𝑷𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒆. When you constantly pay attention to what you have, it helps you develop an attitude of gratitude. Much have been said and written about developing an attitude of gratitude, but it shouldn't stop there. We must cultivate the practice of gratitude. An attitude is a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something. Practice, on the other hand, is the actual application or use of an idea. One rarely used way you can practice gratitude is by always looking for the opportunity to express appreciation to someone for something. When you look for the good others do, you'll find them. Otherwise, you'll always find something to complain about.

𝑩𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆. Find people with an abundance mindset and spend time with them. We become like the people with whom we spend most of our time. A quote often attributed to Jim Rohn says "You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with." In addition to this, another person whose research into social networks has shown that the influence doesn’t stop anywhere near your five closest friends. The research suggested that this influential circle includes people you haven’t even met yet - friends of your friends, and friends of the friends of your friends. Their influence wanes the further these friends are from you, but it's still there. Attitudes and mindsets are contagious. We catch them from those closest to us. Think and consider the mindset that's rubbing off on you from those with whom you're closest.

 How will you begin a reset of your mindset towards abundance?

 Tell me in the comments below. 👇