Where did the time go?

With what do you occupy yourself?

In case you're wondering what I'm asking you, let me ask the question another way.

How do you spend your time?

This question is as insightful as it's simple. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, many of us always seem to be busy. We never have enough time for the many things we'd like to do.

But have you stopped to really consider what you're actually spending your time on?

When you take stock of what you're choosing to allocate your time to, the results may be very revealing. And you really do have the choice to allocate your time in any way you want, even though you may not be consciously exercising it.

I've seen people who are bored out of their existence, who then spend endless time scrolling through Netflix looking for something to watch. I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to relax by streaming content, but it seems we sometimes use behaviors like this as a kind of escape from our real-world problems.

Still, by the time we're done, our problems are still there. We feel worse than we were at the beginning but have wasted valuable time that could have been spent on solving those problems. For most people, the smartphone has become that constant source of distraction that we reach for, even when we don't really have any need for it.

Based on self-reported data from a research, the average person touches their smartphone about 2,617 times each day. Just let that sink in for a moment.

2,617 times every single day!!!

Can you imagine the amount of time we lose every day by doing this?

This is the main reason that I turned off every notification on my phone, except for texts and phone calls. I do that because I don't want that pocket-sized computer dominating every aspect of my existence.

And that's exactly what our smartphones do - dominate our lives. If you think about it, when something dominates your life, it takes up most of your time.

The research on the number of times we touch our phones each day concluded that this habit leads to less productivity, poorer relationships, and memory loss. In short, we're worse off when we allow these devices to take over control of our lives.

There are many approaches to dealing with this, but I'll share just a few simple ones that I’ve found effective.

1. Schedule device time. Be intentional about planning the times of day you will check your device for messages and notifications. Of course, incoming phone calls could interrupt that, but how many people really use their phones to make calls anymore?

2. Mute notifications. When your device notifies you of incoming posts or status updates by your numerous "friends" every few seconds, it can be difficult to ignore it. It's better to turn off those notifications. Not knowing about those alerts is a great way to avoid distractions. Ignorance is definitely bliss here. The world won't end if you don't know about and respond to your notifications right away.

3. Keep your device farther away. Find specific locations away from you, in which to keep your smartphone at home and at work. When the device is always available at arm's length, it's easy to grab a hold of it and get constantly hooked. But when you have to walk a few paces to go get it each time you need it, you'll probably think twice about doing so.

These simple tips will take some discipline to practice daily, especially if your smartphone has already become an easily identifiable appendage. But, you can turn these into habits within a short time if you stick with them.

So, stick with them.

They will keep distractions and busyness at bay, and you'll be surprised to see that you now have more time to spend on creative, life-changing endeavors.

It will change your life.

Give Yourself a Break

Do you know that you could enjoy doing something, yet it can at times feel like drudgery?

That's what happened to me about a week ago.

The previous week was very busy for me. Ironically, that was the week I wrote about how busy many of us claim to be. That week ended with a family road trip over the weekend that prevented me from finishing the newsletter that should have gone out last week.

During the 6-hour drive back home that Sunday, I tried to put the newsletter together but I was mentally exhausted. I wasn't driving, so I thought I should be able to pull it off. I knew some of you would be expecting that edition first thing Monday morning, and I was determined to deliver come hell or high water. But it was like pulling teeth.

Then, it struck me.

I realized that I was putting undue pressure on myself to deliver in spite of everything screaming at me that I should take a break. Because of the trip and the activities that weekend, my sleep had been cut short during the previous two nights. The fatigue was now catching up with me.

I was tired, both physically and mentally.

Yes, I have a personal commitment to delivering the newsletter to you weekly. That's one of the reasons I've tried in the past to inform you ahead of time whenever anything tried to derail that commitment. My sense of obligation won't let me do otherwise.

I eventually realized what was going on and decided you didn't put that expectation on me. I put it on myself. So I decided to just stop, skip that newsletter altogether and not even tell you about it! And most of you didn't even notice.

Okay, maybe you did 😄 But can you relate to this?

Have you ever engaged in an activity regularly and consistently that you sometimes feel a sense of obligation to continue?

And when specific situations arise, preventing you from delivering, do you sometimes feel that you're letting people down?

You most likely do.

I think it’s time for you to give yourself a break.

I want to be careful here and say that this is not an excuse to avoid delivering on what you've promised, especially if people are counting on you. Doing so is a quick way toward destroying your own credibility.

That’s not what I'm speaking of here.

Even if people are depending on you, the message I want to pass along here is that you prioritize your own mental health. Some of us are running on mental fumes in the name of being relevant and delivering on what we think others expect of us.

You need to give yourself a break sometimes. You need to know your body well enough that you allow it to rest and rejuvenate whenever it needs it. It's even better when you're proactive and take regular rests before your body starts screaming for help.

It's my hope that leaders in organizations can become more attuned to when their people need this kind of break, and actively ask them to do so.

This is beyond their taking a PTO (paid time off) or vacation day. Many people don't take PTO just to rest. We spend our vacation time doing more stuff. In the end, we return even more tired than when we left.

This has resulted in people just dropping dead suddenly due to stress. Don't do this to yourself. There are people counting on you. There are people who will suffer if you suddenly break down or you're gone.

Think about them, and take good care of yourself.

Just take a break once in a while.

The Sinistral Advantage

Photo by Jan Kopřiva on Unsplash

I don't remember having a single friend or classmate who was left-handed while growing up as a child. That's because I grew up in a culture where the use of the left hand was strongly frowned upon.

Using the left hand was seen as a sign of disrespect. You were considered rude if you tried to give or receive anything with your left hand.

In the Nigerian Yoruba culture in which I was raised, a child using the left hand to give something to an adult was quickly met with a rebuke, punishment or both. I later found out that this view of the Sinistral or the Southpaw (as Americans call them) is common in many cultures.

And here I was, thinking it was a Yoruba thing!

In medieval times, lefties were thought to be in league with the devil and considered less intelligent than right-handers. During the Middle Ages, the Sinistral lived in danger of being accused of practicing witchcraft.

In fact, the devil himself was considered a southpaw. Satan and other evil spirits were always conjured up using left-handed gestures. That was when we didn't know any better. Well, maybe some cultures still don't know any better!

Several kinds of research have shown the wonderful advantages of being left-handed in our dominant dextral world.

Because the majority of the world's population is right-handed (about 90%), southpaws have to adjust to using tools, equipment, machines and instruments manufactured for the right-handers. Research has shown that being forced to adapt in this way, brings enormous advantages to left-handers.

• They find it easier to multi-task and process heavy information because they're continuously being forced to use both sides of their brains for effectively adjusting in a right-handed world.

• They tend to do better in sports because they play against right-handers who are not used to, and therefore have not had enough practice against left-handers.

• It's also been noted that about 57% of lefties pass the driving test on their first try as compared to the dextrals, who has a pass percentage of 47%. This is despite the fact that almost every car design is done to favor the right-handers; except in the UK, Ireland, Australia, and a few other former British colonies where vehicles are driven on the left side of the road.

And there's more! But I think you get the gist.

Suddenly, I'm feeling I should have been left-handed!

The difficulties the southpaws face in adjusting to a right-handed world seems to be giving them unique strengths and advantages.

Do you know how your current difficulties could be giving you a unique advantage? Have you given thought to the fact that your problems and troubles could be preparing you for something better?

You never know how those afflictions and struggles you're facing can combine to produce in you a greater opportunity in life. So, don't quickly discount those difficulties and hardships you're going through now:

• the pressure to meet your needs with reduced work or no job.

• the difficulties you're facing with your current job search.

• the troubles you encounter with trying to fill job openings.

• juggling jobs and child care with unusual intensity.

. . . and many other trials and tribulations you’re facing.

All of these are building in you, the strength and resilience that would probably come no other way. It may seem like you're just surviving now, but the skills you're developing and honing today, are prepping you to thrive in the future.

Just look back at the past two years of living with COVID.

Many of those difficult work adjustments we had to make early in the year 2020 have now paved the way for a new normal. Many people are now working remotely - much more than anyone could have thought was possible as recently as 2019.

Instead of allowing these adversities to weigh you down, why not embrace them with joy?

How do you do this? Here are a couple of approaches that can help.

Begin paying attention to your thoughts. Many of us don’t pay attention to the kind of thoughts we focus on. We let our thoughts run wild. Research has shown that about 85% of our daily thoughts tend to be negative. We love to wallow in our misery. Those negative thoughts will produce the negative emotions that will weigh you down. Start paying attention to how long you allow negative thoughts to dominate your mind.

Avoid negative self-talk. Stressed out feelings are often stoked by self-sabotaging, negative self-talk. Statements such as “I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.” or “It’s absolutely impossible for me to do this!” can only guarantee that the vicious cycle of stress and negativity will keep running at full throttle. One way to avoid this is by writing down the difficult situations you’re dealing with. Follow this up by including what you can do about each situation, and what benefits each one can bring. This moves you from a passive position to taking an active stance.

Doing these two things will start you on the way towards building the resilience you need to overcome difficulties. They develop something in you. Something that could soon come in handy.

So, what difficulties are you currently going through?

What advantages can you see them bringing you in the future?