Have you ever created or developed something that you're afraid of sharing with a group of friends?
Maybe you created a piece of art, wrote an article, whipped up a meal from a recipe you created from scratch or designed a new product.
You've very excited about your creation. You seem proud of your accomplishment.
Still, you're very hesitant to unveil it to friends and family because you don't know how what you've produced will be received.
I think most (if not everyone) of us go through one form or another of this type of hesitation during the different phases of our existence. Sometimes, it happens to us daily. Other times, it hits us intermittently.
The biggest one of these that hit me in recent years has to do with the writing and publication of my book, Nothing Higher.
In the months leading up to the release of the book, I grappled with the thoughts of how it would be received. I imagined that there will be a gaggle of critics armed with their disapprovals and condemnations following its release. I constantly wrestled with thoughts such as:
"Who would anyone want to read the book?"
"What makes you think you can write a book?"
"You're an engineer! Engineers don't write books not related to their technical fields!"
" Who do you think you are to write a book on humility? You're not even a humble person!"
All of these thoughts and more plagued me, becoming stronger as the release date drew nearer.
Truth be told, I had one or more versions of these skeptical thoughts throughout the almost seven years it took me to complete the manuscript. That probably explains why it took that long to get it finished. I was always thinking it wasn't good enough and had many doubts.
These self-limiting beliefs can come at us from different directions.
For you, it may be about sharing your thoughts in a meeting. You could be wondering if others would consider your thoughts run-of-the-mill rather than powerful.
It could be about presenting an innovative idea you have, and you’re wondering if it’s that innovative? You’re flooded with thoughts such as, “if I can think of it, why would others not have thought of it before me? Maybe it's not novel after all!”
For others, it could be about the way they speak - being conscious of their accent. “Will they understand me?”
These thoughts can run the whole gamut, from the silliest you could imagine, all the way to the biggest moments in your life. But behind every one of them is an attempt to run away from vulnerability.
Most of us recoil from being vulnerable. We don't want our true selves to be known because of rejection. Many times, this goes back to either how we were raised, events that have shaped our lives, or a combination of both. But everything about this usually points to one thing - our worthiness.
We tend to connect others' acceptance of what we're doing to our sense of worth. If they like it, we're worthy. If not, we're worthless. As a result, we refuse to let ourselves be seen. We hide our gifts and talents.
Please allow me to say this loud and clear: your worthiness has nothing to do with your work product. It has nothing to do with what you can do or how well you do it.
Your worthiness has everything to do with the fact that you're human. You're a jewel of inestimable value. You have infinite potential. And you're only limited by how you choose to tap into that potential.
Abraham Maslow was once reputed to have said that human potential is, for all intents and purposes, infinite. You and I have the capacity for greatness, for significance, for excellence. We're limited only by what we choose to do with that capacity.
Keep this in mind the next time you're afraid to show your work or idea to would-be critics. Who cares if they don't think it's good enough?! As long as it's your very best efforts at that moment in time, you should be proud of it. You can only grow from there.
Some of the critical feedback you receive can help you get better and may eventually catapult you into the stratosphere of great achievement and significance. Even then, your self-worth still does not change. Don’t tie your achievement to who you are.
By publishing Nothing Higher, I chose the route of vulnerability. I chose to not allow the fears and doubts to overwhelm me. I focused on who I am - because that's been settled a long time ago. It has nothing to do with how well my book does.
Being successful or having failed in doing something does not matter. You are who you are! That's more important than anything else.
Remember that.