Resistance is Futile

When they simply refuse to do what they should.

Last month, I wrote about making decisions that others will agree with. Let’s flip it around this month, and take a look at why people resist doing what they should.

Joe* was part of a large project team where multiple contractors were working on different parts of the job. He was responsible for a very small portion and he managed two of the contractors. Each contractor had a group of people working under the directions of a foreman. At the beginning, Joe communicated expectations with the contractors and established a process that everyone agreed will help the work progress smoothly.

After a few days on the job, Mike*, one of the other team leaders came to Joe and told him that one of his foremen was not following the process that had been agreed to. Mike had approached the foreman and had been told bluntly that what he was requesting was more than what was agreed, and that he would not comply. Mike was about to go and report this to the overall leader of the project, but Joe asked him not to do that yet. He asked for time to speak to the foreman.

Interestingly enough, after Joe had a discussion with the foreman, he agreed to do the work that he had earlier told Mike that he would not do.

Why was Joe successful where Mike failed?

In general, why do some people refuse to do what they ought to? Leaders run into this scenario more often than you can imagine. There’s that one employee who just won’t do what is required of him. Parents of teenagers are often in the same situation. Why won’t your son or daughter listen and do something that’s beneficial for them?

On the Spot

In many cases, the approach is the culprit. When someone needs to be set straight, many of us allow our emotions to take over. This is particularly true in cases where we think we had a prior agreement; especially if we are in a position of authority over that person. High on Adrenalin, we often lash out without minding our environment. We do it with coworkers or other people present.

As humans, many of us do not like being put down, especially when others are around. The presence of other people goes a long way to determine how we respond when others talk to us about sensitive issues. We all like to feel important; we want our egos stroked. But when I talk down to you in order to address a situation, the response I get may not be what I had hoped for.

Fight or Flight

One major outcome when we put people on the spot in this manner is that they feel insulted. When we don't allow them to save face, the result is disrespect. Many of us may not think of it this way. We think, if they don’t want to be talked to in a manner they don’t like, they should do what’s expected of them in the first place. While that may be true, it’s always a good idea to imagine the shoe on the other foot.

How would I like it, if someone speaks to me in a disrespectful manner when I do wrong? And I do, do wrong! We all do.

When someone is disrespected, one of two responses is typical: fight or flight. They will either respond in kind or keep quiet. They will return the disrespect or hold it in for fear of the consequences that result from saying something. Neither response is good. Both breed strife; one covertly, the other overtly. Whether this involves a leader with her team members at work, or a parent with her rebellious teenager, relationships could be destroyed.

So what do you do?

The solution is simple. When you have to admonish someone, do it in a private. You don’t want to be seen talking down at somebody, even if you have authority over them; especially if you have authority over them. All you will accomplish is to put more distance between you and them. If you’re angry about the situation, let cooler heads prevail before deciding to discuss the situation.

Even if you’re convinced that they deserve a tongue-lashing, do it in private. That’s one way you can influence them to listen to what you have to say. Give them an opportunity to save face.

Your credibility may depend on it.

*Names have been changed

Getting them to Agree

Make the changes that many will buy into.

Times are changing at Yamuka Corporation. Once the beacon of internet search engines, recent start-ups have eaten deep into its sources of revenue. As income has dried up, deep cuts are desperately needed.

One bright Monday morning, Erika arrived at work to find an email from the company’s CFO in her inbox. Extra hands are needed on deck, so 12-hour work days are now mandatory for everyone, including weekends. To ensure that people are available when needed, every employee will now be required to carry a pager. Once paged, they need to be in the office or log onto the company network within a half hour.

Erika was mad. She fumed as she silently contemplated the situation.

This isn’t what I signed up for! I have a life. I have a husband and two little children who need me. How can they just increase my workload by 50% overnight? And a pager? Why don’t they just put a leash around my neck? I’ll have to look for another job.

During the few minutes that followed, she thought about her strategy for job-hunting. She would spend some time to search for opening while at work, and apply to the ones that fit once she gets home.

Let’s face it. It’s a fact that most organizations go through cycles of good and bad fortunes. But only the ones that are nimble and able to respond fast to changing economic environments are able to weather the storm.

Many organizations lose valuable employees because of the way much needed changes are implemented. Here’s a few tips on what works.

Wisdom in Numbers

When changes are necessary in most organizations, the top executives would usually put together a team of top leaders to figure out what needs to be done. Typically, this team spans the functions on the organization for a balanced representation. Despite this approach, the ideas gathered by the team may not be representative of the entire organization. This is because not many of these leaders reach deep within their functional areas to poll for ideas. As a result, many good ideas are left uncovered.

In his book, The Wisdom of Crowds, James Surowiecki told the story of a country fair in which those in attendance were asked to guess the weight of a slaughtered ox. After the roughly 800 responses were averaged, it came to 1,197 lbs. When the ox was actually weighed, it came in at 1,198 lbs. This is just one of the many case studies and anecdotes that the author used to show that the aggregation of information in groups frequently results in decisions that are often better than could have been made by any single member of the group.

When organizations poll many, instead of a privileged (or top) few to effect changes, there’s the likelihood that a much better decision will result.

Change is Coming

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not advocating requesting inputs from everyone ad infinitum in order to please everybody. That doesn’t add value and it may end up paralyzing the decision-making process. You simply cannot please everyone.

However, when inputs are requested from the entire organization, it serves as an informal notice to people that changes are on the way. It helps to prepare them for the final decision so it doesn’t come as a shock.

With today’s technology, this is very easy to do. Many organizations now use workplace social networking platforms such as Yammer. With such tools, it’s easy to poll for ideas from the entire organization by asking a simple question. Employees can use such a platform to present ideas while others would see them and post questions and/or add inputs to further refine those ideas.

Choice is Key

Another benefit of asking for ideas is that you’re telling everyone that several choices are being considered. It tells them that they potentially have a say in the final decision. Having the choice to decide something that affects us means a lot.

Think about it. How do you typically respond when people try to compel you to do something? Your natural reaction is to resist. As humans, we have this deep desire to retain our will. In fact, the history of civilization shows that we’d rather lose our lives than surrender our freedom. We’ve been known to go to war over even a small infringement on our freedom. The story of the American Revolution drives that point home for us.

Peter Block said, “Your ‘yes’ means nothing if you can’t say ‘no’. There can be no commitment if there’s no choice.”

When you ask people for their inputs into a decision-making process, you’re giving them the chance to say “no” to other ideas. But when you legislate what must be done, you may end up the way of Yamuka Corporation and lose your most valuable people.

Who’s Pulling You?

It's easy to believe a lie without knowing it.

Photo courtesy of Alvin Mahmudov

Renowned author and speaker, John C. Maxwell defines leadership as influence. A story I heard from my pastor a few months ago illustrates the power of influence.

A man walking down a street noticed that a little boy was trying to reach the front doorbell of one of the homes on the street. The boy jumped repeatedly, as he attempted to reach the bell. He was unsuccessful each time. The man, thinking he could help the boy, crossed the street, walked towards the front porch of the house and pushed the doorbell. He then turned to the boy and asked, “What’s next, little man?” The boy turned to the man and said, “now we run!” and started sprinting down the street.

Whether we realize it or not, we are influenced everyday by what our senses pick up.  We usually don’t think that we’re being influenced at the moment it’s happening, so we give little or no thought to it. But countless examples abound that show that many of us are easily influenced, either by what goes on around us or by the company we keep. Often, we give in to the urge that comes with that influence. We naturally react to the stimuli all around us. And this can be found in all areas of life: from road rage, to eating what you had not planned on eating.

I was driving home one evening when the sweet aroma of chicken floated into my nostrils. Almost immediately, I felt the pangs of hunger. Then I remembered that my wife had warned that dinner may be a little late. In less than a minute, I was in one of the drive through lanes of the Chick-fil-A restaurant around the corner. I never planned on this stop-over, but the smell was too much for me to resist.

Oftentimes a group exerts a level of influence that’s difficult to shake. Studies have shown that many of us will do something as part of a group, which we won’t do when alone. Mob mentality could come into play.

In The Abilene Paradox, Robert Whipple wrote that “the mentality to go along to get along is alive and well in any group of people today”. Someone suggests an idea and everyone goes along with it because each one thinks that’s what everybody wants. No one wants to be the odd man out. No one wants to rock the boat. When this happens, valuable resources are spent to go down the road no one really wanted to go before everyone realizes it. Just imagine how much would have been saved if someone had said something!

We normally do not realize this, but each of us can choose our response once we are aware of what’s going on. So, the first step is to always be on high alert about the fact that we can easily be influenced and sometimes deceived by what our senses pick up.

This is not as easy as it sounds, but with a little practice, we can become better at it. When I hear something not so complimentary about someone I don’t know quite well, my natural response will be to add my two cents in agreement. Whether or not it’s true is not the issue here. The problem is that I've just been pulled in, to believe something about another person that I really don’t know. More often than not, the information is presented from the perspective of the person giving it, who may be seeing the subject through lenses that’s not very clear.

Leaders are especially susceptible to this because they receive unsolicited comments and feedback from people that surround them. As we continue to grow in our leadership journey, it behooves us to weigh every influence that comes our way so we don’t end up believing a lie.

Instead of allowing myself to be pulled in, I can do a double take, think about what I've just experienced as a potential influence on me and push back. I can push back by giving the person the benefit of the doubt. This also is not easy.

I was in a meeting recently where the other participants started talking about another person in a derogatory manner, making fun of his peculiar preferences. I knew this wasn't right, so what did I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I was outnumbered, and didn't have the courage to speak up for the absent. I simply walked out. While I wasn't influenced by what was going on, I could have taken the next right step. I could have said something that expressed a diversity of opinion, instead of keeping quiet.

Just as I gave in to the urge to grab a quick meal at Chick-fil-A, what stimulus are you responding to?

Are you even aware that you’re being pulled in? The smell of fried chicken did me in; what's pulling you? Who are you allowing to influence you? And the keyword here is allow, because you can choose to not give in to the urge.

You can choose to push back.