When Pressure Comes

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain speaking. The maintenance crew has done all that they could do, to resolve the issues with the two air-conditioning systems on this aircraft without success. As a result, we're going to have to de-plane for a later departure on a different airplane. Our new departure time will be 4:00 pm. On behalf of Delta Airlines, we sincerely apologize for this situation."

Before this announcement was over, the guy in the seat directly in front of me let out a very loud sigh of exasperation. That expression of his frustration was his fourth since we boarded the flight; and you could say it was probably justified.

The flight from Atlanta to Omaha this past Saturday was originally scheduled to depart at 9:42 am. We had boarded about half an hour before that time and had already been informed thrice that the maintenance team was working on resolving the problem with the air-conditioning systems. Each announcement had been followed by a sigh of irritation by our friend in seat 5C.

From now on, I'll just call him Mike.

That last announcement came around 10:15 am and it contained the unacceptably late new departure time of 4:00 pm. So, it's easy to understand Mike's audible sighs of vexation. Maybe he was in a hurry. Maybe he needed to be in Omaha as early as possible for something very important.

I looked around the cabin at the other roughly 150 passengers on that flight and wondered if none of us had any urgent or important stuff waiting for us at our destination. I didn't hear a peep from anyone else. Only Mike let out sounds of frustration when each of the announcements came on.

That doesn't mean he was the only person disappointed with our situation. He could have been the only one close enough to my seat to expressed his annoyance audibly. So, what could be going on with him? Or with anyone else with a similar tendency to immediately convey their infuriation visibly for all to see?

Whether it's an audible sigh or punching the wall, and everything in-between, they all come from a low level of an emotional intelligence skill called Impulse Control.

Although it didn't happen in the flight example I experienced this past weekend, people with low impulse control can throw tantrums and lash out because they’re frustrated for not getting what you want. In the end, their explosive behaviors still don’t get them what they want!

 So, what exactly is Impulse Control?

 It's the ability to delay an urge, drive, or temptation to act. In other words, it involves avoiding rash behaviors and decision-making, being composed and being able to put the brakes on angry, aggressive, hostile, and irresponsible behaviors.

In general, people with effective impulse control have the capacity to think before they act. They have a good control of their emotions, their words, their behaviors, and they use all these to their advantage. You can begin to take back control of those instinctive impulses by following a simple 3-step process I call the 3 Ps.

Pause. Stop and resist your initial automatic urge to act right away. Just do nothing for a moment and allow the rational side of your brain enough time for processing. Research says it takes about six to eight seconds for this to happen. It may be difficult at the beginning especially if you’ve become accustomed to reacting quickly. But with practice, you will get better at it.

Ponder. Take time to think and process what’s going on – consider your options. Ask yourself, “Does this situation call for immediate action?” Even if immediate action is required, it probably doesn’t need to be faster than the eight seconds your brain needs, to come up with more reasonable solutions.

Proceed. Go ahead and pick the best response for the situation. The best response usually doesn’t involve doing something that makes you sound or look out of control, neither does it include insulting another person or doing something that could destroy your relationship with them.

Follow the 3 Ps, and you'll well be on your way to improving you IP - that's Impulse Control in case you're wondering.

Yeah I know. IC doesn't rhyme with 3 Ps, so I took literary license.

Sue me! 😏

Scarcity or Abundance

“Don't give it to them!”

That's the advice I was given when a couple of colleagues asked for my customized presentation slides.

It was a few years ago. I was an instructor for a major organization which schedules seminars all across North America. Each course has a base slide template for the content. But each instructor can leverage their experience to customize the content and make it relatable to the course participants.

For my emotional intelligence seminar, I use many stories from my work experience as an engineer and a project manager to drive home many of the concepts. I also modified the slide deck accordingly.

At the beginning of the pandemic, we pivoted from in-person events to virtual environments. For these sessions, another instructor who teaches the same course is scheduled as a co-facilitator who is in the background most of the time. They're usually there for backup for when internet connection problems arise.

Over one two-week period, I had two different co-instructors. Each one (separately) loved the changes I've made to the slides, so after our session together, they asked if I could share my modified slide deck with them.

When I informed someone very close to me about the requests, I got the response I shared earlier.

"Don't give it to them!"

"Let them customize it their own way!"

But I saw no benefit in doing that. It cost me nothing to share my slides with them.

In fact, I was flattered that they saw something they wanted to emulate in how I modified the content. Afterall, it was Oscar Wilde who said, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness." Not saying I'm great, but . . . 😀

That advice I received to not share my slides came from a scarcity mindset.

People with a scarcity mindset believe the pie is limited or fixed, so they want to keep as much of the pie as possible for themselves. That's why this mindset is also termed “fixed” as opposed to a “growth” mindset. To them, another's gain is their loss.

But this is hardly true. In fact, another's loss could end up being your loss too. That's because the scarcity mindset is not limited to material things. It permeates every aspect of our existence. I believe it's an extension of having a fixed mindset.

Known for her work on mindset, Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychologist found out that children who have a growth mindset that intelligence can be developed are better able to overcome academic challenges than those who have a fixed mindset that intelligence is predetermined.

If you believe you're born dumb, and that there's nothing you can do about it, you won't try to learn. You'd believe the ability is beyond you. If you think you're powerless, you live subdued and subjugated. You fall apart with every challenge you face. You won't even try to work at overcoming them.

This mindset affects not only how we live personally, it’s also rampant within organizations.

Many people in the corporate world have been conditioned to have a scarcity mentality. This is the reason managers micromanage. It's why some hoard information. When these happen, an organization cannot achieve its stated goals.

How do you pivot from scarcity mindset to abundance mindset? Allow me to share three simple ways.

𝑭𝒐𝒄𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒕𝒔. Instead of the natural tendency many of us have to focus on what we lack, pay attention instead to what you do have. Take a look at your assets and think about how you can use them to your advantage. What strengths do you have? What experiences have shaped your life hitherto? How are your skills in one industry transferrable to another? In what ways can you use them for your benefit? Answering this questions focuses your attention on what you can do.

𝑷𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒆. When you constantly pay attention to what you have, it helps you develop an attitude of gratitude. Much have been said and written about developing an attitude of gratitude, but it shouldn't stop there. We must cultivate the practice of gratitude. An attitude is a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something. Practice, on the other hand, is the actual application or use of an idea. One rarely used way you can practice gratitude is by always looking for the opportunity to express appreciation to someone for something. When you look for the good others do, you'll find them. Otherwise, you'll always find something to complain about.

𝑩𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆. Find people with an abundance mindset and spend time with them. We become like the people with whom we spend most of our time. A quote often attributed to Jim Rohn says "You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with." In addition to this, another person whose research into social networks has shown that the influence doesn’t stop anywhere near your five closest friends. The research suggested that this influential circle includes people you haven’t even met yet - friends of your friends, and friends of the friends of your friends. Their influence wanes the further these friends are from you, but it's still there. Attitudes and mindsets are contagious. We catch them from those closest to us. Think and consider the mindset that's rubbing off on you from those with whom you're closest.

 How will you begin a reset of your mindset towards abundance?

 Tell me in the comments below. 👇

Silver or Gold

Have you heard of the Silver Rule?

You probably know about the Golden Rule. It's more popular than its "Silver" cousin.

The Golden Rule says to do to others what you would have them do to you.

The Silver Rule on the other hands says "what you do not want done to you, do not do to others."

Some equate these two. They think the silver rule and the golden rule are essentially the same.

I beg to differ.

The Silver Rule is a negative opposite of the Golden Rule. It's the idea that if you know something would cause someone pain, you shouldn't do that thing to them. That sounds reasonable, isn't it?

Well, if you take a close look, the Silver Rule doesn't require you to do anything. It’s lazy. It's passive. Yes, it asks you to withhold negative action. But it requires no positive action.

The fact is that most people would not intentionally cause someone pain. Apart from the psychopath or the criminally-minded, it's rare to find someone who would seek to deliberately do terrible things to other people.

We would readily, even if unconsciously, acquiesce to the dictates of the silver rule. What doesn't come natural for us is to actively seek to do good for others. In contrast, that's what the golden rule prescribes.

The golden rule requires proactive behavior. It prompts you to act positively. It demands that you're socially responsible, which is not natural for many of us.

Our natural inclination is to be selfish and self-serving. It's ingrained in us to choose our own best interests rather than seeking those of others. It's all about us and our needs; everyone else be damned. The current war in Ukraine is an example of what happens when this idea is taken to its illogical and irrational extents.

It just doesn't make sense.

Yet, we're called to something higher; something better. To live a thriving life is to seek a thriving life for others. To live a flourishing life is to have a self-giving existence.

Being socially responsible doesn't mean you have to do something significant. It just needs to be meaningful. It doesn't need to cost you a ton. It only requires you to be self-giving; to be intentional.

So, in what self-giving act will you engage this week?

To whom will you intentionally add value today?

Be Bold

Allow me to take you back to when you were in school. It could be high school or college. You choose.

Imagine you were in one of your classes. The teacher or professor has spent the last hour teaching a complex subject. He's now done, and he asked if anyone had questions.

The truth is that you did not understand one thing from what had been taught during the last hour. So, you figured there would be others in the class who did not understand also. Surely one of them would ask a question, you thought.

But no one was biting.

You looked around the room. "Is it possible that everyone understood what was taught?" you wondered. "That seems to be the case if no one is asking a question!" It must just be you then.

If no one is asking a question, they must have understood everything. Better not to show your ignorance by asking a question to which everybody else know the answer, right?

So, you kept quiet.

Has this happened to you before? Or is it just me?

But there's else something you didn't realize in that class.

Nobody understood the material. Every other student in the class was thinking the same thing you were thinking. No one understood what was taught, but no one wants to exhibit their ignorance. Everyone remained quietly uninformed.

Social scientists call this Pluralistic Ignorance. It happens when a group of people go along with an idea because they erroneously assume that the idea is accepted or understood by everyone.

And it happens more frequently than you would think.

Far beyond school settings, pluralistic ignorance is rampant in many strata of our society. It leads corporations to continue with failing strategies. It leads government to continue with unpopular policies, foreign or domestic. It's rampant because most people are not bold enough to speak up.

No one wants to bell the cat and speak up when they perceive that something is wrong. They sit in silent agreement because they think everyone approves of what was happening.

Here's what happens you don't speak up:

• Terrible ideas can move ahead uncontested

• Great new ideas could go unheard

• Average ideas will be untested

• Contrary but game-changing views will go unheard

Organizations lose, and government policies fail when you and I don't have the courage to speak up. We don't speak up because we're either lacking or low in the emotional intelligence skill of Assertiveness.

With strong levels of Assertiveness, you have the boldness to speak up and communicate your beliefs and ideas openly. Rather than cower in fear, you defend your thoughts, values and personal rights. But you do all these in ways that are socially-acceptable, non-threatening and non-destructive. These are what separate assertiveness from aggression.

Some people shy away from being assertive because they confuse it with being aggressive. How can you tell the difference? Being assertive requires you to be both bold and kind at the same time.

Ask yourself, "Is what I'm about to communicate going to come across in a way that's non-threatening to the other side?"

"Am I about to defend my ideas in a manner that is non-destructive to my relationship with this person?"

If you can't answer "yes" to these questions, bite your lip, calm your emotions and rehearse in your head how you can turn these questions to "yes".

Do this before you proceed. But you do need to proceed.

Don't believe the lies

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

There are times when I'm not in the mood to do something. It's very likely this has happened to you also. Instead of having the motivation to do whatever it is, you just feel like "meh." 😐

For me nowadays, those "not in the mood" moments tend to be when I'm supposed to be heading to the gym. Even though I've been consistent with my workouts over the last two years (except for the times when COVID shut the gyms down, and later when COVID shut me down), there are times when I just didn't feel like getting my regular workout in.

The thoughts running through my mind during those moments usually include:

 I'm not in the mood.

I don't feel like it.

I have better things to do.

I don't have the strength for it right now.

Has something like this happened to you before? It probably has. If you look closely though, you'll realize that these moods lie. And they tell such big lies.

They tell you that you don't have the strength to do something. They tell you something else is more important in that moment. They say you're just not in the mood - as if being in the mood is a prerequisite for getting anything done.

You only need to put these to the test to find out they're a bunch of lies. I've found out that when I don't listen to them, and I do the thing that I supposedly don't have the strength to do, I actually ended up getting energized.

I've also realized that most of the time, what is supposedly more important than the thing I'm not in the mood for, is usually less important. And more often than not, when I push through those moody lies and do the thing anyway, I'm thankful that I did.

Whether or not you feel like it, you just need to power through and get that thing done. Remind yourself of the reasons you chose to do that thing in the first place. Recollect the benefits coming your way after you have persevered and you got it done.

Act your way past those feelings.

In his book, Failing Forward, John C. Maxwell wrote that, "you can act your way into feeling long before you can feel your way into action." In these situations, success doesn't come to those who allow their feelings to dictate their actions.

So, what lies have you been telling yourself? Okay, let me rephrase that question since I don't want to accuse you of lying to yourself.

What lies have your moods been telling you?

Don't listen to them. They're a bunch of malarkey!

Paradox of imperfection

Last Thursday, I had the privilege of speaking to more than 1,300 practitioners and executives in the project management profession from around the globe. The live one-hour webinar was on the importance of humility to career success.

I spent the last 10 minutes of the session answering a few of the questions posted during my presentation. One of those questions, though simple, caught me completely off guard. Here it is:

What is the difference between Humbleness and Humility?

I think I was caught off guard because I wasn't expecting a question addressing the English language. Later I realized that maybe I should have, because the audience came from different parts of the world, some of which do not have English as their first language.

While responding to this question, I committed a faux pas. I said that "Humility" is a noun and "Humble" is a verb.

Photo by Photoholgic on Unsplash

It wasn't until a few hours later as I reflected on the session that it occurred to me that "humble" is not a verb. It's an adjective!

I felt like rushing back to the webinar to correct the error, but alas it was too late!

Then I remembered that the session was recorded and will be available for on-demand viewing in perpetuity. Can you imagine the horrors?! My mistake is available for anyone and everyone to see forever.

How humiliating!

Moments later as I thought of this, I'm reminded that I'm not perfect. And imperfect people make mistakes. Yes, it will sting, especially if like me, you're the type who doesn't like making such mistakes.

However, all it shows is that we're human.

How do you respond to those moments when your human frailty rears its ugly head?

Do you beat down on yourself and see yourself as a no-good who never does anything right?

Or are you at the other end of the spectrum where you explain away or find reasons (or excuses) for your mistakes?

I don't think being at one or the other end is good. We need to find a balance.

Acknowledge your mistakes when you make them (especially if others are involved) and make  a commitment to improve. But you should also understand that to err is human and give yourself some grace.

It's a balancing act. Finding the balance can help you become more grounded in accepting yourself for who you are, while at the same time making every effort to improve and be better where necessary.

It reminds me of this quote from James Hillman:

Loving oneself is no easy matter because it means loving all of oneself including the shadow where one is inferior and socially unacceptable. The cure is a paradox requiring two incommensurables: the moral recognition that these parts of me are burdensome and intolerable and must change; and the loving, laughing acceptance which takes them just as they are, joyfully, forever.

Yes, you're a paradox of imperfection. Embrace it for completeness.

My good neighbor

Photo by Nina Strehl on Unsplash

After being out of town for a few weekends in a row, I finally found myself back home to engage in one of my Saturday rituals. Well, I guess it's not really a ritual. It's really a have-to-do kind of thing.

Mowing the lawn.

Since all my boys are no longer at home (my wife and I had just shipped my last "lawn mower" away to NYU for grad school), I donned my face mask to get to work. By the way, I've been wearing those face coverings long before COVID-19 turned them into a popular fashion item (due to having grass allergies - whoever heard of such a thing?!)

Once again, I digress! 😀

Just as I fired up the lawn mower and began chewing up the grass, I noticed that my neighbor across the street was outside doing something similar. His son was mowing the lawn while he was trimming the edges. As I saw him trimmed, I thought of how meticulously straight and clean he had always kept the edges of his lawn.

I also remembered that I need to do a better job of trimming mine.

Before you could say grass muncher, I saw him cross the street and without saying a word (not that I could hear him over the roar of the lawn mower anyway), he started trimming the edge of my lawn. I stopped the noisy machine, walked over, smiled and said thank you. Then I returned to mowing the grass.

I thought he was just going to trim the edge of my lawn which is directly across the street from his home. He obviously got tired of looking at the crooked edge of that side of my lawn from his front yard - that's what I thought.

Well, I was shocked when he went around every edge of my lawn to trim them - even those edges on the other side of the house that he could never see from his house.

And when he was done, I found out he wasn't really done. He grabbed his leaf blower and started blowing away the debris left from my lawn trimmings until the blower battery ran out.

I was beyond grateful. He had done abundantly above what I could have asked. And I didn't even ask! He knew what I needed, and he came to deliver.

Before he came to help, I was already contemplating doing the trimming the next day or maybe wait another day to take advantage of Monday's holiday to get it done. But my good neighbor took that load off me.

It was a big indescribable relief.

When he was done, I walked over to tell him he had no idea how much load he had taken off me. He simply smiled. His actions not only helped me in the short-term, it was also so well done that it will take minimal effort from me to maintain them that way.

My neighbor delivered help that I sorely needed, but did not ask. He saw that I needed the help, and just offered it.

When was the last time you offered a much needed help to your neighbor? Or a friend. Or an acquaintance. Or a member of your team.

Did you wait for them to ask? Or do you pay attention to what's going on and then offer the help because you saw the need?

I'm ashamed to admit it, but there are times when I've been so self-absorbed and pre-occupied that I don't see the opportunity to offer help even when it's staring me down. Maybe that's happened to you also.

Most of us live such fast-paced lives that we don't slow down enough to see where our skills, passions and resources can help another person. In so doing, we miss countless opportunities to make a difference and add value to others.

Would you slow down this weekend? Would you lift up your head, look around you and see where you could offer help to your neighbor?

As a leader, this neighbor could be a member of your team. It may also be someone on another team. It could be someone nearby. It might be another not in close proximity.

Since we now live in a global village, your neighbor is not limited to someone who's just a few feet away. Someone could be thousands of miles away and be your neighbor because they have a need that you can do something about.

Kindness is not limited by distance. No matter far away the intended recipient is, your gesture of goodwill can reach them.

Let your goodwill traverse great interspaces.

Encouragement, not hatred

I saw something on the newsreel yesterday which caused my heart to ache. And it's not okay. It's simply not okay.

Sloane Stephens is a 28-year old American tennis player. Last Friday, she lost her third round match at the US open. A day later, she shared on Instagram that she had received more than 2,000 abusive messages and comments on her Instagram profile from people who are upset about the loss.

Photo by Nicole Wilcox on Unsplash

I saw a few of those hate-filled messages, and they made my blood boil. Some of them are so disgusting I won't dignify them by reprinting them here.

While I can understand the feelings of perplexity and helplessness accompanying the defeat of one's favorite sports team or player, I still don't get the reasons some people go to the extent of directing abusive messages to the players. These people need to get a life!

Do they think Stephens intentionally threw the game and lost it just to play with their emotions? This sport is her life. She has dedicated her life to tennis and has been playing the game since she was nine years old.

And when you think about it, she lost the game to another player that's currently ranked higher. A win for her in that match would have been considered an upset. But these bozos did not think about that. In fact, they do not think!

That's why I know that the people sending hate at her for the loss are simply inconsequential people who are looking for significance in their lives. Unfortunately, they're looking for it in the wrong places. They will never find it.

Their lives are full of hatred, so they spew hate with impunity at the slightest opportunity. I'm so glad with how Sloane Stephens responded - with so much class. Here's a portion of her response:

This type of hate is so exhausting and never-ending. This isn’t talked about enough, but it really freaking sucks. I’m happy to have people in my corner who support me. I’m choosing positive vibes over negative ones. I choose to show you guys happiness on here, but it’s not always smiles and roses.

I hope we can learn to respond with such grace and class when we're attacked for no reason, instead of having a knee-jerk reaction to offenses. Granted that you and I may not have the popularity of Sloane Stephens, so our attacks may not be that public. Still, we can learn a thing or two from her gracious response.

More importantly, we need to extend grace to people who disappoint us. For many of us sports fanatics, we must remember that the games come with win-loss propositions.

Players and teams usually engage in sporting activities to win. I think this is their intention most of the time. If they lose, they're most likely already beating themselves up for it. We shouldn't pile on the misery with hatred retorts. If anything, we should shower them with encouragement.

Still, the reasons we stoop low to behaviors which denigrates and disparages those we should be encouraging continues to baffle me.

Why do you think we do this? Drop your comments below.

Do the necessary

Photo by Kid Circus on Unsplash

During a 7-hour road-trip back home with my wife a couple of days ago, something on the highway caught my attention.

Going westbound on Interstate-70 between St. Louis and Kansas City, I noticed the words on a large digital display on the highway. It flashed: 645 deaths on Missouri roads this year. 67% unbuckled.

As I saw those numbers, they got me thinking. 67% of 645.
That's roughly 432 people.

I'm certain some of these 432 deaths could have been prevented if those people had been wearing their seat belts.

Soon, I began to wonder why some people don't wear seat belts when in a moving vehicle. My mind strolled to a manager I had about 15 years ago. He was one of those who did not wear seat belts. I think he made him feel less macho.

I've heard so many excuses for not wearing a seat belt.

It's uncomfortable.
It doesn't fit because I'm too large.
It makes me feel restrained.
I may get stuck in a crashed car.

I chuckle at that last excuse because you're more likely to die in a crash without a seat belt. So, I would think getting stuck when in a crash should be the least of anyone's worries.

Many of these people do not deny the life-saving benefits of wearing a seat belt, but they have their reasons for not strapping themselves in. With those reasons (I think they're just excuses), they put their own lives at risk.

Same goes for anyone who knows the right things to do to live a thriving and flourishing life. They know and understand the immense benefits of changing their thinking and their behaviors. They're just not willing to do it; and they have seemingly good reasons too. With those reasons, they put their lives (and their careers, in particular) at risk.

Is that you? Are you taking such a risk?

Just imagine how much better your life and your relationships would be, if you put to practice even 10% of what you know you ought to be doing. It could be the difference between thriving and just getting by.

So, I ask you - Are you willing to do what is necessary? Don't be a casualty on life's highway just because you're unwilling to do what you know you should be doing.

Step up to the plate and act now.

Your choices make you

Photo by Damian Siodłak on Unsplash

When your wake-up alarm rings, you're presented with the choice to either get up right away, hit the snooze button to sleep a little longer, or not get out of bed out all. The choice you make could determine how the rest of that day goes.

Yes, I know that last option sounds ridiculous, but I'm sure you get the point. It's still a choice.

When you drive to work, there are multiple routes that could take you there. The route you choose to take could determine what happens on your way and how the workday goes.

At lunch, you have a myriad of choices about what to eat. What food you choose could have immediate or long-term consequences for you and your health.

At work, you have choices about the kinds of attitude you bring to your job. The attitude you choose could impact the quality of your work and thus have implications for your career.

Life is all about choices.

Every day, you and I are presented with a series of options. Most of the time, we're not even aware that our decisions and actions follow from the choices were make. We're not aware because many of our choices are automatic. We don't think them through. We just make them.

In many cases, we don't see the effects of our choices right away. But when you string many of those choices together over several weeks, several months or several years, the consequences of those choices become apparent. This is usually when most people recognize the effects of those individual choices they've made over a long period of time.

By that time however, your choices have become you. The choices you've made have made you - whether that's for good or bad; for better or worse.

So, why don't you resolve starting today, to become intentional about the choices you make. Think through each one before you make it. Don't allow the choice to be automatic just because it's what you've always done.

Extrapolate what the potential consequences would be over a period of future time. This can help you start a new habit. It can also help break an old one.

The great philosopher Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." Your daily choices can lead you down the path to excellence. They can also lead you to mediocrity.

It behooves you to choose well.

Looking for Value

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

In April 2015, Dan Price, the CEO of Gravity Payments decided to cut his own salary by a million dollars. He made this decision so the minimum wage earner in his company could take home $70,000 a year.

Some wondered if he was crazy. Others accused him of orchestrating a clever publicity stunt. A few called him a socialist.

To make this happen, Price reduced his own $1.1 million annual pay to the new company minimum wage - $70,000. His own brother, a minority owner in the company sued him. Still, he didn't relent. He said his decision to establish a $70,000 minimum wage is "a moral imperative, not a business strategy."

But it paid off big time.

Within six months of this decision, company revenue grew at double the previous rate. Profits also doubled. Customer retention, already far above the industry average at 91%, rose to 95%.

Today, Dan Price continues to champion income equality. He does this because he sees the value in the people who work in his organization. By seeing the value in his people, and demonstrating that value in their wages, he discovered that the value gets returned to the company by the employees.

When it comes to valuing people, here's what I've found out:

When you see the value in people, you treat them with respect.
When you see the value in others, you help them excel.
When you see the value in people, you add more value to them.
When you see the value in others, you pay attention to how your behaviors impact them.

When you go a step further to demonstrate the value you see in people ( and not by just paying lip service to it), they will respond in kind and return value back to you.

Here are a couple of questions for you to ponder:

Do you see value in those around you?
If you lead teams, do you see the value in your team members?

If you look for value in others, you'll find value in them. You don't see value in others because you're not looking for it.

As for me, I'm learning daily to consciously look for, find and communicate the value I see in others.

I think you should too.

I'm Walking Here!

For as long as I can remember, I've had a love-hate relationship with New York City.

I love the fact that it's a melting pot of diverse cultures from around the world. I also like that almost everything you need is literally within walking distance of wherever you are.

What I can't stand about New York is its congestion and traffic. Anytime I'm in the city, I'm reminded of Lagos, the Nigerian city in which I was born and raised. It's just as crazy as New York - about twice the number of people and with a worse traffic congestion.

While I'm used to the crazy, fast-paced lifestyle of Lagos, it seemed for a long time that I can only tolerate such while I'm there. I was always in a hurry to leave other cities around the world which has the semblance of Lagos' lifestyle.

That's why I've always avoided New York like the plague! I don't like going there unless I absolutely have to. I even avoid the airports for connecting flights! As far as I'm concerned, LaGuardia Airport is one of the worst airports in the world.

The signs within the airport's terminals were so horrible (I've not being there in a while, so maybe it's better now) - it takes you round and round in circles. What else would you expect from an airport that's nestled in the heart of Queens, New York?

Because of all these, I was always in a hurry to leave anytime I find myself in New York.

That's until this past week.

As my family and I begin our long return trip back to Nebraska after spending a few days in New York, I'm beginning to get a better appreciation for the city.

Maybe it's because this time, I'm not dashing in to speak at an event or deliver a seminar, and then dash out as I've done a few times in the past. It could also be due to the fact that I spent the days this last week with my family taking in the city sights. Suffice to say that I have truly enjoyed my time in the Big Apple.

Still you have to be careful and watchful of traffic as you cross the streets. Sometimes you just have to stop, throw out your hands and yell in a fake New York accent . . .

I'm walking here!

Worth more than its value

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

When I wrote last time about making the most of your time, some of the responses I received showed that the message hit home for some. For others, maybe not as much. This is most likely due to the fact that our time is one crucial resource we simply do not value as we ought to.

I think one major reason we don't seem to value our time to the extent that we should, is because it comes free to us. We don't work for it. It just comes to us. Each of us gets a new allotment of time each day. And because we get it without having to work for it, we don't value it as much.

As a species, we tend not to place a value on something that costs us nothing, even when that thing is invaluable to us. Despite the fact that we each get 24 hours every day without having to earn it, I believe time is still our greatest resource.

Without it, we really can't do anything else, can we?

When you have time, you can make more money. With time, you can make new friends. With time, you can take more trips. When you have time, any other thing becomes a possibility. The tricky part is that you don't know how much time you have left to do all these things. When you run out of time, you simply can't do anything else.

In that sense, your time is your life.

I once read where Andy Stanley wrote, "You can run out of money and still have some life left. You can run out of friends with life to spare. But once you run out of time, it’s over." He's absolutely right. When your time's up, your time's up.

So, if there's a resource we must learn to handle with wisdom, it's our time. When you combine this with the understanding that our time here is limited, I think it behooves us to really pay close attention to what we do with it.

If you don't do anything tangible with it, it just goes away. You lose it forever. Yes, you get a new block of time tomorrow, but the one you lost is gone forever. You can't recover it. It's wasted.

And who says you get a new block of time tomorrow anyway? You don't even know if you'll last till the end on today's block of time. So, instead of allowing your today's allotment of time to fritter away, prioritize what you do with it.

Don't let it go to waste. Cherish it. Treasure it.

It's more than worth it.

Make every moment count

During my last two years of high school, there was one thing I was always anxious about - the final exams at the end of each term. You may be thinking, "is there any student who's never anxious about impending tests and exams?"

Photo by Niklas Kickl on Unsplash

Yes, I know exam time is usually a stressful one for most students. But in those days, my anxiety was coming from an angle you won't expect. I was never worried about not being adequately prepared for the exam.

My fear had to do with TIME.

I was always wondering if I would have enough time to respond to all the questions in the manner I desired. In most cases, I was able to finish on time, with a few exceptions.

Those exceptions were in the science lab exams, especially in physics and chemistry. For these, you had to perform experiments, take measurements, tabulate the results, and draw conclusions from them. Sometimes, you had to graph the results with pencil and paper.

For each lab exam, you usually had to perform two different experiments. And you had to do all these within the 3-hour exam time limit. This was what I always freaked out about. While I didn't have issues with knowing what to do, I was always afraid I wouldn't have enough time to finish.

In many cases, I was able to complete the work - so my fears were unfounded. In other instances, I had to rush through the latter part of collating the results and graphing them. Those were the times I wished I had more time.

Just another hour, or even a half-hour would have done the trick. But alas . . .

. . .when the time was up, the time was up.

Our lives are just like those lab exams. There's a time limit to them. We don't live forever. Unlike the exams however, none of us know how much time we have left.

Even though we know our time on this planet is not unlimited, we seem to not live with the conscious awareness of that fact. We tend to conduct our affairs as if we have all the time in the world.

This has nothing to do with how old or young you are. It doesn't matter whether you're twenty-nine or eighty-nine. That's because every week, you hear of people in their twenties or thirties who suddenly passed away.

They simply ran out of time.

There were people who woke up yesterday morning but were gone by last night. Their time was up. But most of them didn't know it would be their last morning.

I wonder what they would have done differently had they known without a doubt that they were living their last moments. Sometimes, I wonder what I would do.

Would I spend it scrolling through social media feeds? Or would I do something more meaningful with it?

It's not my intention to kick off your week on a gloomy note. But I want you to seriously consider what you're spending your time on.

Knowing you don't have unlimited time, shouldn't you do something tangible with every moment you have? Not knowing how much time you have left, don't you think it's better to make every minute count, and choose to make a positive mark with the time you've been given?

With the awareness that tomorrow is not guaranteed, you and I should use the time we have today well. Don't you think?

That, I think, is living a fulfilled life.

Can Others Count on You?

Photo by Ashim D’Silva on Unsplash

Are you dependable? Can others count on you to follow through and deliver on what you promise?

A few months ago, I was asked by two people to meet them somewhere on a particular day and at a specific time, in order to help them with something. Even though I told them that my schedule was full around that time, I promised them I would be there.

When the day came, I was there at the time we agreed, but they were not. I thought they may just be running late, but after waiting for about 15 minutes, I left. As I was leaving, I still had hope that they may show up later, so I left behind a few instructions for them.

Guess what? They never showed up! Neither did they attempt to reach out to me to explain why. It wasn’t until the next day, after I contacted one of them to find out why they didn’t show up, that I got a response that was nothing more than a flimsy excuse.

Yes, we all sometimes have situations that sneak up on us, preventing us from doing what we said we would do. But our reasons for not following through becomes excuses when this becomes habitual. For one of those people I was supposed to meet, that was the case. I could point to several instances within a few months that they have not lived up to their promise. When the latest situation unfolded, I finally made up my mind that this was not someone I could rely on anything they tell me.

So, what about you?

Can you be counted upon? Do you keep your word?

Do you deliver on your promises no matter what? Or do you only follow through when it’s convenient? Do you keep them even when it’s difficult, just because keeping your commitments is important to you?

When we don’t follow through on what we say we’d do, what we’re saying is that people cannot depend on us. It also says that we don’t care about others and their time, especially when the promise involves a time commitment on the part of the other people. Essentially, we’re telling them they can’t trust us.

If this describes you, why don’t you begin to make an effort starting today?

You can start by ensuring that you don’t quickly commit, especially if you know delivering may be difficult. This requires that you take some time to think of your ability to deliver before making the commitment.

Also, if you’re the type that just forgets, put it on your schedule the very moment you make the commitment. Set up the reminder early enough so that it doesn’t creep up on you suddenly. And if something happens that will prevent you from honoring that commitment, reach out immediately to those counting on you BEFORE it’s due. Let them know what happened and renegotiate the deadline.

As you do this, you’d begin to see people trust you more, and your influence will start to grow.

Do you have an experience where people did not follow through on their commitment to you? What happened? How did you feel? Please share your story in the comments section below.

Your Thoughts Become You

Photo courtesy of Matthew Kane

Last year was an especially tough one for Janet. As the New Year begins, she took some time to reflect on the past 12 months.

She lost her job early in the year. Less than a month later, both of her parents died. Soon afterwards, her husband filed for divorce. Her entire world crumbled within the first half of the year. The rest of the year was no better. By mid-year, she started having problems with coworkers who suddenly didn’t like her for no reason. Going to work became very difficult.

“That was a bad year!” She thought to herself.

As Janet continued to replay these events in her head, she couldn’t help becoming angry.

Why do bad things keep happening to me?

What did I do to deserve all these?

Why can’t I get a break?!

The more time she spent pondering over these negative experiences, the stronger her negative emotions; and the more bitter she became.

Can you identify with Janet’s feelings? Have the last few months or years been tough on you? Did a trusted friend or family member betray you? Do you find yourself indulging in similar sessions of self-loathing and reflection?

Your situation may not be as extreme as Janet’s, but if you find yourself spending time thinking on events that evoke negative emotions, allow me a few moments to steer you in the other direction. Why don't we start off the new year with a different frame of mind?

Here are a few things to consider.

1.      Tough times don’t last. We all go through rough patches at one time or the other. While your world may seem like it’s falling apart when you’re in the midst of setbacks, these are really momentary. People who quickly recognize the temporal nature of these events find ways to get through the difficult times and emerge stronger. Those who do not, are buried under the load of the resulting negative emotions and end up worse.

2.      Negatives emotions are not good for you. They are dangerous and harmful. Even when you have the facts to back them up, spending time to think about all the hurts and pains inflicted on you affect your attitude. It can make you bitter and turn you into someone you don’t like. Our emotions strongly influence how we perceive and react to life. This in turn, is a strong determinant of how successful we become. Negative emotions stifle learning and thinking. They can drain your energy and prevent you from pursuing important life goals. The consequences can be devastating.

3.      You can snap out of it. On the surface, it may seem difficult to pull yourself out of an endless stream of negative thoughts and emotions. But it can be done. Dr. Albert Ellis, who developed rational emotive behavior therapy, concluded that we can change our attitudes and thinking in a conscious way. You do this by taking conscious control of our thoughts. This helps you turn those negative experiences into something more positive.

How do you do this?

1.      Set up reminders at regular intervals. If you’re especially prone to wandering easily into these periods of negative thoughts, have a regular and constant reminder to help you snap out of it. You could set up an alarm on your smart phone or schedule it on your calendar. Constant reminders several times a day will eventually help you beat the habit.

2.      Turn it around. During these scheduled reminders, flip the negative situation around and make an effort to focus on a positive substitute. For example, if it’s a situation with a difficult coworker, focus on how it would feel if your relationship with the person were to be turned around. Ask yourself, “What’s the best that can happen if my relationship with this person improves dramatically?”

3.      Turn on your creative side. As you consider the benefits of the improved relationship, begin to imagine and creatively think about what you can do to make this happen. Instead of frowning when you see them, what if you flash a smile? Can you lend them a helping hand in an area they may be struggling? You know the situation best. Take the time to think about creative ways to turn this around.

4.      Follow through! Now it’s time to implement. Carry out what you’ve decided to do. Warning – you may not see a desired response immediately from the other person, but you need to stick with it and not quit. You may even have to find and implement another creative approach. If you don’t see a change in them, stay with it! Whether they are changing or not, you will change! Your attitude and outlook will begin to transform if you don’t quit. Remember, you’re doing this for you; not for them. The goal is to change your negative feelings and emotions so that you can be more productive and successful.

Negative feelings and emotions come from negative thinking. Become intentional about the thoughts that you allow in your mind. Get rid of the negative ones. Choose to focus on the positive ones. This is where you get purpose and excitement to pursue and accomplish your goals. So, I ask you,

What do you spend your time thinking about?

Considered by many to be the most important law of all, in explaining both success and failure, the Law of Attraction says:

Whatever you think about, you bring about.

With about 60,000 thoughts flowing through your mind each day, which ones you spend your time on determine your attitudes and outlook in life.

People who succeed in life do not allow anything to keep them down. When they experience hardships and difficulties, they look for a silver lining – what lesson to learn; what new thing to try; who else to ask for advice. These give them the energy and motivation to move on.

In this New Year, you can get the same energy and motivation to move on and accomplish your goals, no matter the obstacles that come your way. Take control of your thoughts. And soon, you’d start seeing changes in your life. Begin now to:

• Think about what you think about.
• Pay attention to what you pay attention to.

Remember, your thoughts become you.

Sweating Bullets!

Photo courtesy of Travis Gergen

A few years ago, the following conversation ensued between me and a colleague at work.

Me: Hi Kate! I’ve not seen you in about a month. You must have been traveling.

Kate: Yes, I was at three of our plant locations this past month.

Me: Really! What were you doing?

Kate: I had to deliver customer service training to groups in those places.

Me: How did they go?

Kate: Awful! I was so nervous I was sweating bullets!

Me: That’s interesting! But you’ve been doing those training sessions for a few years now. I thought you’d be used to it by now.

Kate: No! There’s no getting used to this for me. Each time I’ve had to stand in front of a group of people and speak, I get very anxious and nervous. Sometimes, I even start foaming at the mouth as I sweat profusely.

Me: I can relate. In fact, I had the same fear years ago. But after attending a Public Speaking seminar and getting a lot of practice through Toastmasters, I have become much better over the years.

Kate: Much better?! You’re very good! I’ve heard you speak to different groups a few times. It seems so natural for you.

Me: Yes, I’m more comfortable speaking in public now. And the same can be true for you. It’s a skill that can be learned and developed. I’m a living example. I remember how fast my heart used to beat, with just the thought of speaking in front of 5 people. But that’s not the case anymore.

Kate: I don’t think I can overcome this! As you said, I’ve been doing this training for years; I know the material very well. Still, I get very nervous each time I have to deliver it. Do you know that sometimes when I do the training over the phone, I still get as nervous as when I do it in person?

Me: Trust me, Kate. You can overcome this. I think you just need some training and practice to get you started.

Kate: I don’t think so, Sunny!

As you read this exchange between Kate and I, what’s going on in your mind? Do you see yourself in Kate’s shoes? Are you thinking that this fear is not one you can overcome? I assure you — you can!

You can learn the skills needed to speak in front of a group of people without wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole! All you need is the willingness to learn.

So, what do you do to cure your glossophobia tendencies? Here are five simple steps.

1. Optimism is essential. You must first believe that you can do this. If you continue to tell yourself that you can’t, that’s exactly what will happen.
2. Organize your thoughts and your message. Thinking is becoming a lost art. Many of us barely give more than a fleeting thought to anything these days. Think about your message and organize the contents in a logical fashion.
3. Write down the key points. Ensure that one point logically flows into the next. Use stories and examples to illustrate each point. People remember better with stories. You do not want to write out your entire speech and memorize it. That’s a bad idea!
4. Practice, practice, practice! I cannot emphasize this enough. Practice your speech out loud, and time it. You do not want to exceed time limits. Practice until your message flows well and you can deliver it within the given timeframe.
5. Breathe! As you practice, remember to pay attention to your breathing. Most beginning speakers are out of breath after the first few sentences because they forget to breathe.

Remember that when it comes to overcoming the fear of public speaking, constant practice is important. This is a skill that is best learned by doing it. The more you speak in front of people, the more comfortable you will be. As you do, you get better each time. And it will greatly boost your confidence.

Finally, search for local Toastmasters clubs near your home or work, and join one. This will give you myriad of opportunities for ongoing practice and feedback. Use the recommendations as you prepare for your next speech.

Over the last six years, I have seen many people overcome their fears of public speaking.

You can do it too!

A Lesson at the Parking Meter

Photo courtesy of Josh Newton

It happened two days ago. I was feeding the parking meter just after arriving for a lunch meeting. As I waited for the rusty machine to reflect my payment, and how long I could park for, I heard a voice behind me.

"Sir, I'm not sure you know, but they will give you a ticket for not parking backwards in these parking spaces."

I looked up to see who it was. A young lady walking past with three of her friends smiled at me. I replied, "I didn't know. Thank you. I'll re-park!"

And I did, once I saw that my payment was good for a two-hour parking.

As I walked to my meeting, I reflected on what had just happened. Until that moment, I had never met the lady who gave me the parking tip. But as she walked by, and saw me doing something that could result in a hefty fine, she decided to speak up. I started to wonder what percentage of the population would have done that. I wondered if I would have done that!

Yes, I try to lend a helping hand as much as I could. Yet, it's very likely that I would have just walked by and not say anything if I were in her shoes. But she didn't do that. And in the process, she saved me what could have been a huge parking ticket.

Now, what would have been the reason for me to not speak up if I see someone that's obviously about to get in trouble? Is it because I don't care enough? While that may be true for some, I don't think that's the case for many of us.

I realized that I probably would not have said anything simply because I may not have been paying attention to what was going on around me. I could be looking at the person and not really seeing them. Their actions would be right in my face, but my brains may not be computing what the consequences would be for them. As a result, I would not speak up.

This is usually what happens with many of us. We go about our daily activities, just letting life pass us by. In the process, we miss countless opportunities - chances to do something for someone; to add value to others. But imagine the opportunities we'd find if we actually go around looking for ways to do something to help another person. There will be plenty to find. When we do that, we come intentional.

I recently heard John Maxwell speak about one of his grandchildren who decided early one day, that he will look for opportunities to open doors for others. If I remember correctly, by noon, he had opened doors for more than forty people. Forty doors opened! Imagine that! Do you think it would have happened if he didn't purpose to do that as he woke up that morning? I don't think so!

When each day, you purpose in your heart to add value to others, and you go everywhere with that purpose in mind, myriad of opportunities will be available for you to do so. As you act on these, you feel good about yourself and you get more done. You become more productive. And it may even lead to doors being opened to a whole new world for you. There's a line in a poem by Edwin Markham that goes:

All that we send into the lives of others, Comes back into our own.

So I ask - do you wake up each day thinking of who you can help or do something for? And it need not be something special or earth-shattering. It could be as simple as holding doors open for others as your walk through them. It could be a courteous smile or a kind word to someone that needs encouragement.

Are you intentional about following through with actions on the opportunities that you encounter? Or do you just wander around letting life happen to you? The choice is yours, and you can start today. The fact remains that when we live with intentionality, we can make a difference in the lives of people that we come across each day. And that difference can go a long way in making someone's day a special one.

Just like that lady did for me at the parking meter.

Customer Disservice

What’s Your Face Saying?

It was a typical Monday morning beehive of activities at the airport. My flight was on time, and because of frequent flier privileges, I was able to board early with an upgrade to the premium cabin. As I boarded, I was expecting the usual smiling and welcoming face of one of the flight attendants at the door. But it was different this time.

Waiting for me at the door was a tall, stern-looking flight attendant. I’ll call him Joe. At best, his “welcome aboard” was delivered with a frown. In reality, it was scary; delivered with scorn. It was a complete departure from what I was used to. So much so that I had to do a double-take. I quickly walked past him to my seat lest I get a slap just for boarding! Yes, I’m exaggerating a little here. But his expression definitely made me not want to slow down around him as I walked by.

For many people with customer-facing job responsibilities, it could be tough to present and maintain a cheerful attitude at all times. It may even be more difficult for those whose roles demand that they keep a smile on their faces most of the time. But when you’re the customer on the other side of that face, you usually don’t take the time to think of the reasons why the person doesn’t seem to be cheerful. After all, you have a lot on your mind too. Your first thought could be, “what’s wrong with him?” But the reasons for the expression  on his face could be as myriad as the number of seats on a jumbo jetliner.

Joe could be having a bad morning. It could be a carry-over from something that happened to him over the weekend. It could have stemmed from an unpleasant discussion he just had with one of the pilots or another flight attendant. Maybe he’s just worried about how he’s going to pay the huge credit card bill he just received in the mail. Or the IRS is after him for a backlog of unpaid taxes!

On second thought, it could also be that that is what his face normally looks like. That may be his resting face. I’ve heard “resting face” defined as the expression on your face when your thoughts are neutral; when they’re neither sad nor happy.

Now, I’m not one to comment on another person’s resting face. I’ve been told a few times that my resting face is a frowny one. As a result, I’ve tried over the last few years to smile when I’m meeting new people. Yes, sometimes I forget and I get pre-occupied with my own thoughts. But I’m trying to get better at it. The fact remains that a smile usually brightens someone’s outlook and communicates that you’re welcoming and approachable.

As a leader, I know I have to maintain a positive and cheerful attitude for my teams, despite my frowny resting face. Just as Joe’s facial expression made me not want to engage him in any way, no team is motivated or engaged when the leader appears unfriendly, even if he’s bubbling inside. I’m almost certain that what Joe’s face reflected, is probably not what he meant to communicate to me. Or maybe it was! I watched him throughout the hour-long flight, and he had the same stern expression all the time.

So, what’s your resting face like? What does it communicate?

If it’s a frowny one like mine, what will you do about it?

Why Leaders Need Short Memory

When it’s difficult to forget

As a web designer, Matt was passionate about his job. He loved what he did. He’s willing to give his best every time. And he delivered too! He was one of the better performers on the team. If you want top notch work, you need him on your team.

But suddenly, things seemed to have taken a turn for the worse. This once very productive and engaged employee has turned into a shadow of his old self. His morale is shattered. He now dreads getting up to go to work each day. The love for what he does has gone cold. He could no longer give his best. His productivity is suffering.

Hold on a second! How did we get here? To understand this, let’s back up a little.

Although Matt delivered on the job, he also came with some baggage. He was a little rough around the edges. He would do a good job, but the way he did it rubbed many on the teams the wrong way. His approach could be seen as abrasive at times. Matt didn’t see it that way. He thought people should be able to hear the truth told to them even if it hurts. He didn't see eye to eye on this issue with Jenny, his manager.

But that was a long time ago. After years of feedback and coaching, Matt has come around and you can now see definite signs of improvement. He’s not completely there yet, but you could see the effort and the progress he’s making.

However, that’s not good enough for Jenny. How could she just forget the past? She knew what this guy was like! And no matter what change she may be seeing now, her already-formed opinion remains.

Jenny believes that a leopard never changes its spots. So she knows that whatever improvements she's seen in Matt are not real. Even when others who used to complain about Matt told her about the positive changes they’ve seen, she simply explained them away. After all, people don’t change!

This attitude irks Matt.

What more do I need to do? I listened to what they told me! I’ve tried to change because of all the feedback and coaching I’ve received. Still, it’s not enough! I’m tired!

As a result, they continue to butt heads. With the prolonged, ongoing confrontation with Jenny, Matt’s motivation took a nose dive. His performance started to falter. He simply hated the environment in which he now has to work. He now had to drag himself out of bed each morning.

As Jenny began to notice the change in Matt’s performance, it only reinforced the negative perception she already had about him.

Now he’s gone from being difficult to work with to downright incompetent!

What happened? This was someone who was very good at what he does. How did he suddenly become inept at doing the same job? His job responsibilities haven’t changed, so what changed? What happened to this once engaged, high performer?

Jenny started thinking of how to get rid of Matt. But before she could make a move, Matt resigned. He took another job where his zeal and enthusiasm returned. And he returned to being a good performer.

Team leaders and supervisors need very short memory when it comes to areas where their people need to improve. That’s especially true when you see them making the effort towards positive change. We need to nurture and encourage them. We should reward and recognize them for the change, even if it’s baby steps.

I understand that this is not natural for many of us. But as leaders, we need to work at it. We need a change from this natural tendency. If we don’t, and we allow past experiences to discolor present reality, we may end up losing valuable people.

If we don’t, our organizations and teams will be the worse for it.